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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 2
Alongside movie stars, the community that enjoys the celebrity status are sport professionals. Not only their game strategies, but also the money they earn through it are highly debated. While a group of people believe that, the earnings are fair, a significant of the rest refute it. I agree to the former's opinion as long as the money was through their sports because they are not only entertaining millions of people world-wide but also keeping up the country's name in the international arena, as long as taxes are duly paid to their respective governments. To begin with, it is important to understand that behind the glitz and glamour, lies hard work, dedication and a constant struggle to have their nation's flag flutter in all glory. For instance, cricket, an outdoor game, is played withstanding harsh weather conditions irrespective of the time of the day. Moreover, the players should maintain a constant focus on their diet-regime and fitness levels, to prove their tenacity. By staying away from personal lives and bringing the nations of the world together, in the name of 'sport/game', is in itself a priceless achievement. It is therefore, not a wonder, to state that the earnings are a direct consequence of their efforts. On the other hand, few players and athletes, are resorting to illegal means, to skip paying taxes to the government, making few thinkers believe in otherwise. In cases, when money was earned through illegal means like fixing the match, it cannot be accountable. In other words, under the cover of a game, money gets exchanged without the knowledge of the authorities, which has to be in check by all means. The other means of earnings of a celebrity-player is through endorsements. There is a continuous opposition, on this aspect, when the products are supported without analysing its credibility. All in all, the reputation should be carefully managed, whether it is about taxes or assessing the genuity before endorsing a product, to prove their critics wrong. In conclusion, I would like to hold onto the view that earnings of the athletes or players is justified owing to the struggle that was put into the game and as long as the taxes are duly paid to their administrating authorities. .
Alongside movie stars, the community that enjoys the celebrity status are sport professionals. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their game strategies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
it are
highly
debated. While a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
,
The phrase 'a significant of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a significant of
the rest refute it. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the former's opinion as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
entertaining millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
world-wide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
keeping up the country's name in the international arena, as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
are
duly
paid to their respective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand that behind the glitz and glamour, lies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, dedication and a constant struggle to have their nation's flag flutter in all glory.
For instance
, cricket, an outdoor game, is
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "gone withstanding".
played withstanding
harsh weather conditions irrespective of the time of the day.
Moreover
, the players should maintain a constant focus on their diet-regime and fitness levels, to prove their tenacity. By staying away from personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and bringing the nations of the world together, in the name of 'sport/game', is in itself a priceless achievement. It is
therefore
, not a wonder, to state that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
are a direct consequence of their efforts.

On the other hand
, few players and athletes, are resorting to illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
, to skip paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, making few thinkers believe in
otherwise
. In cases, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was earned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
like fixing the match, it cannot be accountable.
In other words
, under the cover of a game,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
exchanged without the knowledge of the authorities, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
. The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
of a celebrity-player is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
endorsements. There is a continuous opposition, on this aspect, when the products
are supported
without
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
its credibility. All in all, the reputation should be
carefully
managed, whether it is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
or assessing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
genuity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
endorsing a product, to prove their critics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

In conclusion
, I would like to hold onto the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
of the athletes or players
is justified
owing to the struggle that
was put
into the game and as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
are
duly
paid to their administrating authorities.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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