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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Write both views and your opinion. v.1

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Write both views and your opinion. v. 1
Although many believe that it is justifiable for popular sports competitors to get higher wages of salary, others think that it is biased for the part of other significant professionals. In my opinion, I consider the great earnings of the athletes acceptable for the effort that they exert. On the one hand, some people are certain that receiving a great salary for playing sports is reasonable and I agree. This is due to the fact that these individuals train and practice a lot of the sports that they play. Boxers, for instance, need to follow intense and strict sets of exercise for a whole year in order to be fit for a boxing match. As such, it is also noted that they have a higher risk of getting injuries or worse, get paralysed from a game; hence the money that they make is sensible for all the hard work and time they put forth, including the threats that they need to take. On the other hand, it is often believed that this issue is unjust for other valued professions. One reason could be the huge amount of money that countries spend on a certain sport. An example would be the National Basketball Association funded by the USA. Each player takes home millions of cash, per seasonal games and according to their performance in the team. This money could be spent on other workers, such as those in the medical field who renders a lot of service yet gets very little income from the government, and could motivate them in performing their jobs excellently. In conclusion, while people may vary their opinions, I think that it is fair for the athletes to have a high amount of salaries because of the excessive work and time that they put in, including the risks they need to take.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that it is justifiable for popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher wages of salary, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it
is biased
for the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
significant professionals. In my opinion, I consider the great earnings of the athletes acceptable for the effort that they exert.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are certain that receiving a great salary for playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is reasonable and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
This is due to the fact that
these individuals train and practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that they play. Boxers,
for instance
, need to follow intense and strict sets of exercise for a whole year in order to
be fit
for a boxing match. As such, it is
also
noted that they have a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting injuries or worse,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake. 'paralysed' is British English.
paralysed
from a game;
hence
the money that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
is sensible for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and time they put forth, including the threats that they need to take.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that this issue is unjust for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
valued professions. One reason could be the huge amount of money that countries spend on a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. An example would be the National Basketball Association funded by the USA. Each player takes home millions of cash, per seasonal games and according to their performance in the team. This money could
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
workers, such as those in the medical field who renders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
service
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
income from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, and could motivate them in performing their jobs
excellently
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary their opinions, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
for the athletes to have a high amount of salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the excessive work and time that they put in, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
they need to take.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Write both views and your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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