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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.4

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 4
Some people think that successful persons from sports are earning a huge amount than in any other industry persons. While others think that there are a quite large number of people are getting massive funds for their respective professions. In my view, It's completely unfair that only famous sports personalities earning more money. On the one hand, the predominant reason to get the massive amount for the sports athlets is because of the demand and interest for the public. There is a huge public demand for the sports like cricket, football, and badminton from all over the world. Because of that interest and popularity are advantageous to earn more money to the famous sportsmen. In addition to, there was a great deal of endorsement to the successful cricketers and other champions. A large number of companies would like to advertise their products into market with the help of this sports platform personality so that they could earn more profits. On the other hand, there are other professions where people are getting paid well and off course more than the sports celebrities. For instance, consider the world large tech giant companies and their top-level employee's are earning decent salaries. Also, for the industries like entertainment, they earn more money within the short period of time. In India, last year one of the movie producers released his movie, which crosses all the previous gross earning movies. To conclude, In my view, not only successful sports persons paid well, but also there are other industries also paid-well for their contribution towards the public entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that successful persons from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
a huge amount than in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industry persons.

While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are a quite large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting massive funds for their respective professions.

In my view, It's completely unfair that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
personalities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
more money.

On the one hand, the predominant reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the massive amount for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake found.
athlets
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the demand and interest for the public. There is a huge public demand for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like cricket, football, and badminton from all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that interest and popularity are advantageous to earn more money to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sportsmen.
In addition
to, there was a great deal of endorsement to the successful cricketers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
champions.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would like to advertise their products into market with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
platform personality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could earn more profits.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting paid well and off course more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities.
For instance
, consider the world large tech giant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and their top-level
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
employee's
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
decent salaries.
Also
, for the industries like entertainment, they earn more money within the short period of time. In India, last year one of the movie producers released his movie, which crosses all the previous gross
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
movies.

To conclude
, In my view, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons paid well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industries
also
paid-well for their contribution towards the public entertainment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 4

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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