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Some people think that young people should be free to choose his or her job. but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that young people should be free to choose his or her job. but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. v. 1
In the present situation where it is difficult for teenagers to choose their job, it is a debatable issue whether young people have to choose their job considering their realistic and future of not. While some people argue that teenagers should regard their authentic life, I personally believe that it is more important for adolescents to think their attention and aptitude for following 2 rationaless. On the one hand, there are some groups of individuals who maintain that teenagers have to choose their job considering they're realistically put forward 2 main reasons. In the first place, if youngsters choose their job considering their salary or companies which offer a well-being facilities, they can get a sense of stability. For example, they work at well-known companies which give a lot a salary, they can enjoy lots of entertainments, including cinema, shopping and so on. Also, no matter how they get stressed about their job, they can keep their job. This is because they work for getting a salary, They know happiness about getting salary. So they cannot quit their job easily. Nevertheless, I, as one of opponents such views, am personally convinced that to choose a job considering their attention has a positive impacts on teenagers. First of all, they can feel a sense of satisfaction. If they work with companies they want, they should spend a lot of time on working. Then teenagers are easy to be an expert in their own field. Even, they can contribute their talent to the public as an expert. Another point worth mentioning is that modern people prefer to live well balanced life. This means that working time also important as much as their own time. So people want to work at the companies they want. If they work in their wanting filed, they have to get less stress than working at companies which they choose regarding as realistic. This leads to mental health about the nations who work in many fields. In conclusion, While there are some groups maintain that there are more advantages for adolescences to choose their job in reality, I am firmly of the opinion that the most important thing, when teenagers pick their job, is considering their attention and aptitude about their own job.
In the present situation where it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is a debatable issue whether young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
considering their realistic and future of not. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should regard their authentic life, I
personally
believe that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for adolescents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their attention and aptitude for following 2
Possible spelling mistake found.
rationaless
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups of individuals who maintain that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
considering they're
realistically
put forward 2 main reasons. In the
first
place, if youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
considering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which offer a well-being facilities, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a sense of stability.
For example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which give a lot a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, they can enjoy lots of entertainments, including cinema, shopping and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, no matter how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, They know happiness about getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they cannot quit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
easily
.

Nevertheless
, I, as one of opponents such views, am
personally
convinced that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
considering their attention has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can feel a sense of satisfaction. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they want, they should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time on working. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are easy to be an expert in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
field. Even, they can contribute their talent to the public as an expert. Another point worth mentioning is that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well balanced
life. This means that working time
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as much as their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they want. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their wanting filed, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
than working at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
regarding as realistic. This leads to mental health about the nations who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields.

In conclusion
, While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups maintain that there are more advantages for adolescences to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in reality, I am
firmly
of the opinion that the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
pick their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, is considering their attention and aptitude about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that young people should be free to choose his or her job. but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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