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Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v.1

Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v. 1
In today's life, the traditional environment of office for work is no longer necessary. A large number of people opt for contemporary technologies, such as mobile phones and portable computers, for their office work. Some people believe that this trend has many drawbacks while others think in contrast. In my opinion, it is completely advantageous not only for employees, but also for their families. One most evident benefit is the flexibility it offers to workers over an office. Typical working hours, in many companies, are between early morning and last late at night. Since rising early in the morning is difficult for a huge number of employees, they might find it hard to perform well during this time. Workers, however, can choose working hours as per their convenience by using computers or mobile phones for their work at home. A recent study, which was conducted by Dehli University, revealed that staff who select their own working hours outperform their counterparts by more than 75 per cent. Another imperative effect of this trend is on personal life of employees. Home-based working provides an ample time for family, especially for children. They may discuss numerous domestic problems and resolve them as early as possible. Their family bond becomes stronger as a result. According to the recent article, published on the website of BBC News, people who spend most of their time at home, divorce rate among them is much lower compared to those who do not. In summary, advancement in technology has made lives of office-workers much easier because of flexible working hours. Additionally, it has a positive influence on their private lives. I believe that this advanced trend is totally beneficial and, therefore, should be promoted further.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life, the traditional environment of office for work is no longer necessary.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opt for contemporary technologies, such as mobile phones and portable computers, for their office work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in contrast
. In my opinion, it is completely advantageous not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their families.

One most evident benefit is the flexibility it offers to workers over an office. Typical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, are between early morning and last late at night. Since rising early in the morning is difficult for a huge number of employees, they might find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to perform well during this time. Workers,
however
, can choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as per their convenience by using computers or mobile phones for their work at home. A recent study, which
was conducted
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dehli
University, revealed that staff who select their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
outperform their counterparts by more than 75 per cent.

Another imperative effect of this trend is on personal life of employees. Home-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
provides an ample time for family,
especially
for children. They may discuss numerous domestic problems and resolve them as early as possible. Their family bond becomes stronger
as a result
. According to the recent article, published on the website of BBC News,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who spend most of their time at home, divorce rate among them is much lower compared to those who do not.

In summary, advancement in technology has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of office-workers much easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Additionally
, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on their private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. I believe that this advanced trend is
totally
beneficial and,
therefore
, should
be promoted
further
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephones at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? Give reasons. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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