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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reason for your an v.15

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Give reason for your an v. 15
Playing sports for a country or a club is a famous occupation. These, well known sportsmen have income that is much greater than individuals in other important professions. Although, some people favours this trend while other believe that this is injustice. In my opinion, every occupation has its own significance and having more money in one type of work does not make it injustice for individual in other profession. First of all, it is a fact that athletes are very well paid and are famous all around the world. Moreover, they are very well facilitated and are also preferred over general population. For instance, famous cricketer Sachin tendulkar have a balance of more than hundred crore rupees and is among top ten richest men of India. furthermore his salary is about ten to twenty lacs a month. Nevertheless he is specially paid for every match he play. By viewing all these facts and figures, we might convinced that it is not justice but this only one side of the picture. in contrary, the above luxury is not uniform, some individuals in one sport are paid more than individual in other. For example members of Pakistani football team have salaries of few thousand rupees. In addition to this, a sportsman professional life starts fading as time passes on and become an ordinary citizen with a very low income as he grow above fifties. Opposite to this, if we consider another occupation like medicine, doctors earning keep increasing even though he retired. This is because in many professions experience counts rather than physical fitness. To conclude, every work has its own advantages and drawbacks. some might earn more but that would be for a short time while other has an income that which peaked with time. So, I believe judging a job only by salary and its amount would be an injustice.
Playing sports for a country or a club is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
occupation. These, well known sportsmen have income
that is
much greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
favours
this trend while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe that this is injustice. In my opinion, every occupation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance and having more money in one type of work does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it injustice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
profession.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is a fact that athletes are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well paid and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
all around the world.
Moreover
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well facilitated and are
also
preferred over general population.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketer
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
tendulkar
have a balance of more than
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
crore rupees and is among top ten richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
of India.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
his salary is about ten to twenty
Possible spelling mistake found.
lacs
a month.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nevertheless
he is
specially
paid for every match he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "plays", "played".
play
. By viewing all these facts and figures, we might
The verb 'might' requires the base form of the verb: "convince"
convinced
that it is not justice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one side of the picture.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
contrary, the above luxury is not uniform,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in one sport
are paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
For example
members of Pakistani football team have salaries of few thousand rupees.
In addition
to this, a sportsman professional life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
fading as time passes on and become an ordinary citizen with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low income as he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "grows", "grew".
grow
above fifties. Opposite to this, if we consider another occupation like medicine, doctors earning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
increasing
even though
he retired. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions experience counts
rather
than physical fitness.

To conclude
, every work has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and drawbacks.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
might earn more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that would be for a short time while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
has an income that which peaked with time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe judging a job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by salary and its amount would be an injustice.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Give reason for your an v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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