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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reason for your an v.9

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Give reason for your an v. 9
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, proved to be difficult for working people. Statistic shows, that they suffer from several health issues throughout the years, due to lack of exercise. So what is preventing an employee from working out? And what can be done to answer this problem? It is noteworthy that, poor time management is the biggest hindrance to maintain a healthy life. Standard working hours of an ordinary employee are from eight to four, sometimes to seven and after that he/she goes straight to home. How can an employee squeeze exercise time in this tight schedule? They often consider working is indeed a physical activity, so why bother with exercises. Taking a nurse for instance, she is working long hours on her feet walking and sometimes running, so she is basically burning calories the same way as a runner or jogger. In addition, in spite of being able to include exercise in their daily routine, people are not that motivated to work out for two reasons namely; expensive gyms and lack of exercise places at home. They are quite aware of the importance of taking care of their bodies. Yet they are not ready for more hard work, it is tiresome and no trigger is enough to push them to do it. Nevertheless, the above said is true, several solutions could be found to address these problems, and no excuse is acceptable in regards of our health. Working people can find innovative means to do some physical activities without sacrificing their time, nor searching for the adequate place. It is more than enough, to alter our routine like walking to workplaces or home instead of taking the bus, choosing the stairs over elevators, or doing some minor physical work during lunch break. To conclude, I strongly believe that our health is important. Therefore, it is mandatory to maintain a good one and extends our lifespan to better enjoy our lives.
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle, proved to be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Statistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, that they suffer from several health issues throughout the years, due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what is preventing an employee from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
out? And what can
be done
to answer this problem?

It is noteworthy that, poor time management is the biggest hindrance to maintain a healthy life. Standard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours of an ordinary employee are from eight to four,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to seven and after that he/she goes straight to home. How can an employee squeeze
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
time in this tight schedule? They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is
indeed
a physical activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
why bother with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. Taking a nurse
for instance
, she is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long hours on her feet walking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
running,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she is
basically
burning calories the same way as a runner or jogger.

In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being able to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their daily routine,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not that motivated to work out for two reasons
namely
; expensive gyms and lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
places at home. They are quite aware of the importance of taking care of their bodies.
Yet
they are not ready for more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, it is tiresome and no trigger is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to push them to do it.

Nevertheless
, the above said is true, several solutions could
be found
to address these problems, and no excuse is acceptable
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards of
our health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can find innovative means to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities without sacrificing their time, nor searching for the adequate place. It is more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, to alter our routine like walking to workplaces or home
instead
of taking the bus, choosing the stairs over elevators, or doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor physical work during lunch break.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that our health is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Therefore
, it is mandatory to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
one and extends our lifespan to better enjoy our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Give reason for your an v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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