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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Competition among friends always has a negative effect on their friendship. v.584

Competition among friends always has a negative effect on their friendship. v. 584
Friendships require works. They do not just materialize and maintain themselves and they do not build on a foundation of convenience, either. They take time, patience and two people who are willing to put in the efforts. Various points of view which are germane to the matter being discussed brings us to the moot question as to whether competition among friends has deleterious effects on their friendship. However, the popular sentiment to which I vehemently cling is that competition not only can foster a sense of learning but also can patronize people to become familiar with different views. The underlying aim of this essay is to put forward some cogent reasons to shed light on a number of issues in this framework. To commence with, friends have always tried to share their ideas and go through discussion in order to gain much useful and helpful information. Generally phrased, competition for sharing ideas and opinions will provide an opportunity for people to become acquainted with various ideas and view life differently. As a palpable example, last time at the university in my hometown, vast majorities of my close friends discussed around different topics like education, economy, politic, sports and so forth. This meeting provided fertile ground for students to gain loads of information whether agree or disagree. To elucidate more on this issue, competition among friends not only can help people broaden their horizon but also can help them to learn thoroughly and meticulously. So, they could put much information into practice in order to become a self-sufficient person. Another equally salient point in corroborating my stance is that competition will encourage people to improve their social skills. If we take a minute to ponder over it, these kinds of competitions could help people become familiar with each other and socialize. For instance, myriads of people spend their precious time in solitude. But enter a competition will arouse them to get to know different people with diverse attitudes and passions. It can be deduced from a combination of breadth of coverage and depth of detail that competition among friends not only can prevent negative effects on friendship but also can improve the circle of our friendship. However, every coin has two sides. Many people might disagree in a competition, so it might have ruinous effects on friendship owing to the fact that nowadays, vast majorities of people are likely to persist on their own ideas without taking other opinions into consideration. In this situation, hardly can friendships lasting because there are too many disagreements and discontent in a group. However, it was a story in a nutshell; actually, there are more reasonable grounds that can lend weight to my personal perspective. In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Friendships
require works. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
materialize and maintain
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they do not build on a foundation of convenience, either. They take time, patience and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are willing to put in the efforts. Various points of view which are germane to the matter
being discussed
brings us to the moot question
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
has deleterious effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
.
However
, the popular sentiment to which I
vehemently
cling is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can foster a sense of learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can patronize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views. The underlying aim of this essay is to put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cogent reasons to shed light on a number of issues in this framework.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
have always tried to share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and go through discussion in order to gain much useful and helpful information.
Generally
phrased,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
for sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and opinions will provide an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
acquainted with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
and view life
differently
. As a palpable example, last time at the university in my hometown, vast majorities of my close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
discussed around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
topics like education, economy, politic, sports and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. This meeting provided fertile ground for students to gain loads of information whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree. To elucidate more on this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
broaden their horizon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn
thoroughly
and
meticulously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they could put much information into practice in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a self-sufficient person.

Another
equally
salient point in corroborating my stance is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If we take a minute to ponder over it, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar with each other and socialize.
For instance
, myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their precious time in solitude.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
enter a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
will arouse them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with diverse attitudes and passions. It can
be deduced
from a combination of breadth of coverage and depth of detail that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the circle of our friendship.

However
, every coin has two sides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might disagree in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might have ruinous effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendship
owing to the fact that nowadays, vast majorities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to persist on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
without taking other opinions into consideration. In this situation, hardly can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friendships
lasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagreements and discontent in a group.
However
, it was a story in a nutshell; actually, there are more reasonable grounds that can lend weight to my personal perspective.

In light of reasons elaborated, I reiterate that
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Competition among friends always has a negative effect on their friendship. v. 584

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
457 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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