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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.14

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 14
It is widely believed that successful sports persons make huge money than other people who are eminent in their respective fields. In my opinion I don't agree with this statement, it all depends upon your effort and determination. Firstly, becoming successful and prosperous in life doesn't rely on the type of profession you choose to pursue. For example, when we look at the story of successful individuals who have gained a renowned name in their appropriate fields have one thing in common. Obviously, that would be the hard work and persistence that they show in their work. Hence, it is all about the love and passion that you have for your work. Secondly, sports is not the only career to make money in huge numbers. Indeed, if that was the case there would have been no developments or advancements in any fields other than sports. For instance, most of the famous sports clubs and players are sponsored and owned by a company irrelevant of the sports field. This shows the abundance of the various opportunities available in the world other than sports. Therefore, it's all about the wrong perception that we have against sports. In conclusion, there are plenty of opportunities to become rich in life, so it is evident that sports is not the only field to gain prosperity. In addition to that the risks you take and the sacrifices you make determines your future and your success level. Whatever the field may be, nothing could stop you from achieving your goals.
It is
widely
believed that successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge money than other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are eminent in their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. In my opinion I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, it all depends upon your effort and determination.

Firstly
, becoming successful and prosperous in life doesn't rely on the type of profession you choose to pursue.
For example
, when we look at the story of successful individuals who have gained a renowned name in their appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
have one thing in common.
Obviously
, that would be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and persistence that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
in their work.
Hence
, it is all about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and passion that you have for your work.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
career to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money in huge numbers.
Indeed
, if that was the case there would have been no developments or advancements in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs and players
are sponsored
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
irrelevant of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the abundance of the various opportunities available in the world other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
Therefore
, it's all about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
perception that we have against sports.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to become rich in life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
to gain prosperity.
In addition
to that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
you take and the sacrifices you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
determines your future and your success level. Whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
may be, nothing could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
you from achieving your goals.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
9.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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