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In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v.3

In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 3
As the curfew is being imposed due to some emergency situations. Now, there has been some time restrictions allotted for the teenagers, especially during the night time for hanging out, unless they are safeguarded by the adults. In my opinion I completely agree with this welfare measure taken against youngsters safety. Firstly, younger people are highly vulnerable during hazardous situations. Indeed, they are not mature enough to understand the motive behind the safety measures. In addition, to that they try to break the barriers. For example, consider a scenario where all the teenagers are insisted to stay on back at home due to a pandemic, without thinking about the risks involved in it, they always try to get out of their homes for meeting their friends or to do whatever they use to. Thus, it makes them highly prone to get damaged. Secondly, as a parent, we have to emphasise our children regarding their security. Moreover, we have to figure it out the difficulties they encounter and assist them while solving the issue. For instance, when they really need to get out of some work, an adult must be accompanied with them in order ensure protection for them. Therefore, by doing this we can control the inadvertent activities. In conclusion, the security and welfare measures are taken for our well being, so as a responsible individual we must support our government and make sure that no one violates the protocol. Furthermore, accompanying a person for security is always a better idea, especially for youngsters for their protection
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the curfew is
being imposed
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
emergency situations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time restrictions allotted for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
especially
during the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
for hanging out, unless they
are safeguarded
by the adults. In my opinion I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this welfare measure taken against youngsters safety.

Firstly
, younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
highly
vulnerable during hazardous situations.
Indeed
, they are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to understand the motive behind the safety measures.
In addition
, to that they try to break the barriers.
For example
, consider a scenario where all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
The usual collocation for "insisted" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insisted on staying"?
insisted to stay
on back at home due to a pandemic, without thinking about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
involved in it, they always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their homes for meeting their friends or to do whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
highly
prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
damaged.

Secondly
, as a parent, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
our children regarding their security.
Moreover
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
figure it out the difficulties they encounter and assist them while solving the issue.
For instance
, when they
really
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work, an adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
them in order ensure protection for them.
Therefore
, by doing this we can control the inadvertent activities.

In conclusion
, the security and welfare measures
are taken
for our
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as a responsible individual we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
support our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that no one violates the protocol.
Furthermore
, accompanying a person for security is always a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
especially
for youngsters for their protection
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a curfew was imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to go out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompained by an adult. What is your opinion about this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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