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successful people try new things and take risks rather than doing what they already know how to do well v.2

successful people try new things and take risks rather than doing what they already know how to do well v. 2
Taking risks is depend on person to person. Some they fear to take risks and some like to discover new thinks in their lives. Personally, I believe that successful people try new thinks and take risks on their lifes. I feel this way for main two reasons, which I will explore in following essay. First of all, by taking risks and trying new thinks will help us to explore new things. We can have a better idea about the socity. Moreover we can gain experience about our lifes. My own experience is a compelling example for this. When I was a school student I used to play in my school cricket team. But I didn' t know how to play rugge. Once there was a time that there are not enough students to play rugger house matches. My house master in charge asked me to play rugger for our house. But I regected his request since I do not know how to play. But because of his contenues request ai agree to do that. Even though I am not a good player I learn how to play while prcticing after school. At last in the match I was able to make a try and gain good score to our house. Finally we will able to win the match. From that day I love to paly rugger and now I am in my university rugger team. Secondly, It is good to take risk because It will feel more joyfull than doing same old thing that we know. For instant, I was a art student when I was in university. But for the exam we can chose one subject apart for our major subjects. So I decided to take chemistry as my additional subject. My friend asked me to not to take chemisty, since it is a heardsubject to studay. Though I was not a science student I learnt about chemisty in the university lecturers. I had lot of fun during the lab class with chemistry experimants. At last I was able to score good markes for that subject. In conclution, I strongly belive that trying new things and taking risks in our life make a successful person. This is because of taking risks made us to learn new things and it gives lot of fun.
Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on person to person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
they fear to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Personally
, I believe that successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
on their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. I feel this way for main two reasons, which I will explore in following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, by taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. We can have a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socity
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we can gain experience about our
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling example for this.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I was a school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in my school cricket team.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
Possible spelling mistake found.
rugge
.
“Once” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Once
there was a time that there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
rugger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
matches. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
master in charge asked me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
rugger for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
Possible spelling mistake found.
regected
his request since I do not know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
contenues
request
Possible spelling mistake found.
ai
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to do that.
Even though
I am not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
player I learn how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
while
Possible spelling mistake found.
prcticing
after school. At last in the match I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
score to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
we
Did you mean "will be able"?
will able
to win the match. From that day I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
rugger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
I am in my university rugger team.

Secondly
, It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It will feel more
Possible spelling mistake found.
joyfull
than doing same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
thing that we know. For instant, I was
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
when I was in university.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
for the exam we can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "choose"
chose
one subject apart for our major subjects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I decided to take chemistry as my additional subject. My friend asked me
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
take
Possible spelling mistake found.
chemisty
, since it is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
heardsubject
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
studay
.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
I was not a science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
chemisty
in the university lecturers. I had
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fun during the lab
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
with chemistry
Possible spelling mistake found.
experimants
. At
The comma is probably missing here: "last, I".
last I
was able to score
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "marks", the plural form of the noun 'mark'?
markes
for that subject.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclution
, I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
in our life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a successful person. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
made us to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and it gives
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fun.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35Mistakes

IELTS essay successful people try new things and take risks rather than doing what they already know how to do well v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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