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some people think that developments involving the internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. v.2

some people think that developments involving the internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. v. 2
It is undeniable that modern technology has a huge influence on people’s lives. The use of the internet, for example, has become more common and some claim that it has been able to connect people who are far apart, while others argue that its use can lead to social isolation or confinement. This essay will discuss both views and state my own position. Firstly, during the last two decades, there have been many tech developments and advancements, bringing convenience to all. One significant attribute of this modernization is the internet, while this technology has made our lives more convenient in many aspects, including our approach to communication. In the past, we only used mail or the telephone to send our messages across the globe, whereas today, the internet allows us to reach out to almost everyone in just a few seconds. The inconvenience of long distances is eliminated as we can talk and even see distant friends or relatives for an unlimited time. For example, the internet connects people whose relatives or families are abroad, through Facebook, Twitter or Skype anytime and anywhere. Secondly, this technological development has its drawbacks, as it has been observed that some individuals tend to spend a lot of their time surfing the internet or on different social networking sites. Communities meet online via private Facebook groups, instead of in a community hall to discuss matters, since this does not allow them to socialise physically with people, they isolate themselves in this virtual world. Both teenagers and adults use much of their time online and this does not allow them to develop their interpersonal skills. For instance, a study from 2015 by The Social Media Explorer saw that over 93% of teenagers aged 16-19 have a social media presence, with more than three social accounts per person. Thirdly, in my opinion, I believe that the internet can bring people closer together, as it can make both socialising and work much easier for those who travel. Communities can speak freely at any time, in groups, asking for help or advice, though it is up to the individuals to acknowledge how much time they are spending online and whether this is a cause for concern. Isolation cannot be blamed on the internet, as it is just a tool to use, the individual must be in charge of their own time. For example, a person who works from home online for many hours in the day should make sure they have adequate breaks and make time for socialising, as to not feel isolated or removed from their own community. In conclusion, it is a fact that the internet has brought more convenience into society and allowed many people to be closer. However, people should take responsibility to balance the use of the internet so that other aspects of their lives will not become neglected.
It is undeniable that modern technology has a huge influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet,
for example
, has become more common and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that it has been able to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are far apart, while others argue that its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
isolation or confinement. This essay will discuss both views and state my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
position.

Firstly
, during the last two decades, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tech developments and advancements, bringing convenience to all. One significant attribute of this modernization is the internet, while this technology has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more convenient in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, including our approach to communication. In the past, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
mail or the telephone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
our messages across the globe, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
us to reach out to almost everyone in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few seconds. The inconvenience of long distances
is eliminated
as we can talk and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
distant friends or relatives for an unlimited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, the internet connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose relatives or families are abroad, through Facebook, Twitter or Skype anytime and anywhere.

Secondly
, this technological development has its drawbacks, as it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals tend to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surfing the internet or on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites. Communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
via private Facebook groups,
instead
of in a community hall to discuss matters, since this does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
physically
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they isolate themselves in this virtual world. Both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
much of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and this does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to develop their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, a study from 2015 by The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
Media Explorer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
that over 93% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
aged 16-19 have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media presence, with more than three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
accounts per person.

Thirdly
, in my opinion, I believe that the internet can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer together, as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
both
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
and work much easier for those who travel. Communities can speak
freely
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in groups, asking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or advice, though it is up to the individuals to acknowledge how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they are spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and whether this is a cause for concern. Isolation cannot
be blamed
on the internet, as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in charge of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, a person who works from home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours in the day should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure they have adequate breaks and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
, as to not feel isolated or removed from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
community.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that the internet has brought more convenience into society and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be closer.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take responsibility to balance the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that other aspects of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will not become neglected.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay some people think that developments involving the internet have brought people closer together while others think that people and communities have become more isolated. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
476 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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