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Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Nowadays, many hold the view that the growth of economy has many advantages. However, there is a body of opinion which claims that the effect of economic development is negative. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate and give my own opinion. To begin with, it is undeniable that the increasing economy could increase people’s income. Since the growing economy brings loads of job opportunities, citizens could grab the chance to land a job or get a better paid position, which increases citizens’ salary. In addition, economic development is beneficial to people’s living efficiency, in order that they can have more free time. As abundant money coming from economic growth could lead to the development of technology, invention could help people to save time, for example, some machines would help to do some housework. On the other hand, nonetheless, growing economy would destroy the socialization between people because the job opportunities I mentioned above could make people devote themselves in busy work, which makes them have less time to chat with their friends and relatives. Furthermore, the development of economy would impair cultural identity. Compared with the traditional way, the modern mode of economic development like building skyscrapers to make profits could not bring a sense of belonging to citizens so that they may feel unaccepted and lonely. To summarise, there is no doubt that economic development could make people richer and have a more efficient life. At the same time, nevertheless, it would also impair the relationship among people and the cultural identity. In the final analysis, therefore, one can only conclude that the disadvantages of economic development outweigh the positive effects.
Nowadays,
Possible agreement error. The noun hold seems to be countable; consider using: "many holds".
many hold
the view that the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
However
, there is a body of opinion which claims that the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the debate and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
could increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
income. Since the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
brings loads of job opportunities, citizens could grab the chance to land a job or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better paid position, which increases citizens’ salary.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living efficiency, in order that they can have more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As abundant money coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth could lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of technology, invention could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
machines would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
housework.

On the other hand
, nonetheless, growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the socialization between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the job opportunities I mentioned above could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devote themselves in busy work, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to chat with their friends and relatives.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
would impair cultural identity. Compared with the traditional way, the modern mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
like building skyscrapers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
profits could not bring a sense of belonging to citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may feel unaccepted and lonely.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, there is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
richer and have a more efficient life. At the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
nevertheless
, it would
also
impair the relationship among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the cultural identity. In the final analysis,
therefore
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conclude that the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most countries want to improve their standard of living through economic development, while others think social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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