Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Successeful sports pofessionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think this is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion? Give reasons and relevant exa v.2

Successeful sports pofessionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think this is unfair. Give reasons and relevant exa v. 2
Athletes whom are acknowledged get more money than professionals, which work in other professions. Well, in my opinion it is justified, Successful athletes should be given same amount of money as other professionals earn. Firstly great deal of physical and mental hard work is required in other fields, whereas solely physical workout is necessitate In sports. Athletes only does their specific workout while other professionals sweat too much of their mental and physical effort into studies and business. For instance, i have seen a sports professional who had slight workout and practice session routines only, but he earned a lot, however doctors have hectic schedule of duties, but they get less money. Secondly other professionals are mostly literate, but great deal of illiteracy seems to be in sports professionals. Education is prioritized anywhere, so we should support the even distribution of money in professions in accordance to education, Therefore in order to quote an example i can remember my past experiences. I know one football player, he was completely illiterate, but his income was higher as much as a goldsmith, in contrast to it a doctor who was obviously literate, have a quarter of income of a foot ball player. Thirdly most successful athletes go on to different trips to resorts in overseas, while other professionals do not have time for these type of leisure activities. To quote an example regarding to this, i can say, a friend of mine, who is a great sports man now, relish different trips. while another friend of mine, who is a doctor, do not have enough time to rejoice trips and tours. On the whole, i can say, other professionals should also get same amount of money as athletes earn. In opposition to above, athlete does strenuous workout, while other professional do not sweat too much in gym. Athlete have to be clearly fit, when they are merely unfit, they are suddenly droped from international team. So Athletes have to keen on their physical health. For example a friend of mine, who is really into gym, while another friend of mine, who is a doctor, is opposite to previous one. Secondly our athletes are involved in tours and trips as much as a cosmopolitan person, as a result they can not give maximum time to their families. On the other hand other professionals can spend their time with their families during weekends, because they go to less tours and trips. On the whole some people opinion constraints to these above two reasons. To conclude, i have to clearly revealed all the reasons, which support that, it is highly unacceptable that, successful sports man have more earning then other professionals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
whom
are acknowledged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, which work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. Well, in my opinion it
is justified
, Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
earn.

Firstly
great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work
is required
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields, whereas
solely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
is
Consider using a past participle here: "necessitated".
necessitate
In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does their specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
sweat too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of their mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
effort into studies and business.
For instance
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had slight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
and practice session routines
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he earned a lot,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
have hectic schedule of duties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Secondly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are
mostly
literate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
great deal of illiteracy seems to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
. Education
is prioritized
anywhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we should support the even distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in professions in accordance to education,
Therefore
in order to quote an example
Did you mean "I"?
i
can remember my
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
. I know one football player, he was completely illiterate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his income was higher as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as a goldsmith,
in contrast
to it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was
obviously
literate, have a quarter of income of a foot ball player.
Thirdly
most successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
go on to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
to resorts in overseas, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for these type of leisure activities. To quote an example
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
this,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can say, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mine
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, relish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mine
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to rejoice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
and tours.
On the whole
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
can say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
earn.

In opposition to above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athlete
does strenuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workout
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
do not sweat too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
in gym.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athlete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
clearly
fit, when they are
merely
unfit, they are
suddenly
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "dropped", the past tense form of the verb 'drop'?
droped
from international team.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
keen on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.
For example
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mine
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
really
into gym, while another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mine
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, is opposite to previous one.
Secondly
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are involved
in tours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as a cosmopolitan person,
as a result
they can not give maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to their families. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
can spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families during weekends,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they go to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun tours is countable.
less
tours and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trips
.
On the whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opinion constraints to these above two reasons.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
clearly
revealed all the reasons, which support that, it is
highly
unacceptable that, successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
have more earning
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
80Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Successeful sports pofessionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think this is unfair. Give reasons and relevant exa v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts