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A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
Constant work and sustained effort will pay dividend later on in life. This what all generations of people have been believed so they have tried to make it true, however, the new world that is built for us is not exactly what that meant to be. Because of all different kinds of swift changes which has happened in our life, there are the whole different life styles nowadays which in my opinion is eroding or quality of life gradually. My arguments for this point are listed as following. To begin with, there is no denying to the fact that the new way of life is really time consuming. Long hours of work or continues courses which we are expected to take in colleges or universities have taken the most portion of our time. Otherwise, we could spend these times with our family or friends, even we would do something for leisure such as painting. Somebody may say that it is easy to quit our job or university but the reality says something else. We have been born and raised in a fast changing world and among families who have tough us that life is a competition which we must pay the cost if want to be the winner. So we have to pay that price with our time in order to do things that make us less happy. Furthermore, health is such that critical aspect of life that nothing compare to that can alter our mood. All these current changes which we have been through like new generation of fast-foods, various sorts of pollution, unknown fetal viruses, to name a few, are the consequences of our modern days. These harmful factors put our or our beloved ones lives in a serious jeopardy. By having a glance around us, it is obvious that how great are suffer and pain which people have to deal with every day. There is no need to mention here that mental pressures are another considerable source of diseases. Considering all above together, I should say that new fast life style has changed our life in a bad way rather than helping people to have higher quality of life, as a result we are less satisfied than we were before. Although it is still possible to take our advantages from modern life without wrecking our happiness.
Constant work and sustained effort will pay dividend later on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This what all generations of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been believed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it true,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world that
is built
for us is not exactly what that meant to be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of swift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which has happened in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there are the whole
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
styles nowadays which in my opinion is eroding or quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gradually
. My arguments for this point
are listed
as following.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no denying to the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
really
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
. Long hours of work or continues courses which we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to take in colleges or universities have taken the most portion of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Otherwise
, we could spend these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with our family or friends, even we would do something for leisure such as painting. Somebody may say that it is easy to quit our job or university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reality says something else. We have
been born
and raised in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing world and among families who have
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "toughed".
tough
us that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a competition which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay the cost if want to be the winner.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay that price with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to do things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us less happy.

Furthermore
, health is such that critical aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that nothing compare to that can alter our mood. All these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which we have been through like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
generation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-foods, various sorts of pollution, unknown fetal viruses, to name a few, are the consequences of our modern days. These harmful factors put our or our beloved ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a serious jeopardy. By having a glance around us, it is obvious that how great are
Consider using a past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
and pain which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with every day. There is no need to mention here that mental pressures are another considerable source of diseases.

Considering all above together, I should say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
way
rather
than helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have higher quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
as a result
we are less satisfied than we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
it is
still
possible to take our advantages from modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without wrecking our happiness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay A/DBecause the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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