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People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill. v.2

People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill. v. 2
In specific periods of history, some people were called scientist, because of their integrated knowledge in all scientific areas in their time. However, in modern times, it is almost impossible to be expert in all of science aspects due to uncountable branches of science. Nowadays, skills act as a substitute of comprehensive knowledge. As far as I am concerned, people who gain more skills can have more ways to success, much rapturous life as well as far-reaching relationships. Following paragraphs will lend support to my points. To begin with, the situation of the new business world is fiercely unpredictable and no one can definitely claim that having a particular skill can grantee one’s prosperity. So a rational action here could be providing our self with different kinds of abilities, which might apply in various conditions. Taking one of my friends as an example, she studied chemistry in one of the high reputed universities of country, although, because of the recession shortcomings, there were no job opportunities in her desired area which was consist with her main skill. She could have been miserable and unemployed if she didn' t have any other practical expertise, though, it turned out that she found a job in a photographic gallery eventually. In one word having multiple skills gives people more options. Furthermore, one who works in the same job for a long time, spontaneously, will be trapped by boredom or even worst by job burnout. However, a person who is armed with different skills can protect him-self against this trend. It would be said that these sorts of people can usage their skills in two distinguish ways. For instance, one can simply change his job and start a whole new fresh career. On the other hand, especially in difficult economic circumstances, in which switching between jobs is not so simple, people can use their various skills to build up a hobby or to make a second source of income which is much more fun or pleasant. The last but not least, different skills are like diverse gates which opens to new worlds. I think the main bounce of it could be visiting new people and establishing new relationships. Since, as much as our life is enriched with friends, we are able to receive much more support and attention from their side, in addition, this can inspire us in some level, and aid us to stay positive in hardships. Considering all above together, it could be said that different kinds of skill can improve people’s life and provide them with more opportunities for success.
In specific periods of history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were called
scientist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their integrated knowledge in all scientific areas in their time.
However
, in modern times, it is almost impossible to be expert in
Consider using "all science" or "all of the science".
all of science
aspects due to uncountable branches of science. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
act as a substitute of comprehensive knowledge. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can have more ways to success,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
rapturous life
as well
as far-reaching relationships. Following paragraphs will lend support to my points.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the situation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business world is
fiercely
unpredictable and no one can definitely claim that having a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can grantee one’s prosperity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
a rational action here could be providing our self with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of abilities, which might apply in various conditions. Taking one of my friends as an example, she studied chemistry in one of the high reputed universities of country, although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the recession shortcomings, there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in her desired area which was consist with her main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. She could have been miserable and unemployed if she
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t have any other practical expertise, though, it turned out that she found a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a photographic gallery
eventually
. In one word having multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more options.

Furthermore
, one who works in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for a long time,
spontaneously
, will
be trapped
by boredom or even
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
burnout.
However
, a person who
is armed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can protect him-self against this trend. It would
be said
that these sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can usage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in two distinguish ways.
For instance
, one can
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
fresh career.
On the other hand
,
especially
in difficult economic circumstances, in which switching between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
simple,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to build up a hobby or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a second source of income which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more fun or pleasant.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are like diverse gates which opens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
worlds. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the main bounce of it could be visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
relationships. Since, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
as our life
is enriched
with friends, we are able to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more support and attention from their side,
in addition
, this can inspire us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
level, and aid us to stay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in hardships.

Considering all above together, it could
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life and provide them with more opportunities for success.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People who have developed many different kinds of skills are more successful than people who focus on only one skill. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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