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Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful measure?

Success is often measured by wealth and other material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 1
In this materialistic world, accomplishment is being calculated by digits and high-tech gadgets; become the prima facia formula for calculation the success. In my opinion, I vehemently believe that internal peace and sharing affectionate to others are also hold equal weightage for reckoning the success graph rate. On the one hand, money is an indispensable part of a human without this no one can ever imagine to exist in this earthly world, where everything has its cost and people nowadays are not leading their life as they used to be. To exemplify, showing off latest possession, such as iPhone, luxurious bags, cars and so on which indeed cost an arms and legs all seem façade. As a result, majority of people have no choice to judge the achievement with numbers. However, metal peace of an individual surely hamper for upgrading the assets in order to be in queue of success. Another school of thought believe that the definition of success is varies from person to person. Almost all the professions contain money and surely money is a part to get the essence of success but for other fragrance of achievement could be collecting degrees from different institutions; for a celebrity or la-di-da personality, number of movies done by them would cater the need of satisfaction; for solicitors –number of cases won and prosperous people doing philanthropy work for other. There are ample of plausible evidences to debunk the myth of having affluent is the only way to be in road to success. To conclude, money cannot pass the test of success as other essential factors need to be considered for achieving the ultimate goal of life; with the passage of time, people change, and their priority amend according to explanation of success.
In this materialistic world, accomplishment is
being calculated
by digits and high-tech gadgets; become the
Possible spelling mistake found.
prima
Possible spelling mistake found.
facia
formula for calculation the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In my opinion, I
vehemently
believe that internal peace and sharing affectionate to others are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "held".
hold
equal weightage for reckoning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
graph rate.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an indispensable part of a human without this no one can ever
The verb 'imagine' is used with the gerund form: "imagine existing".
imagine to exist
in this
earthly
world, where everything has its cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays are not leading their life as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be. To exemplify, showing off latest possession, such as iPhone, luxurious bags, cars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on which
indeed
cost an arms and legs all seem façade.
As a result
, majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no choice to judge the achievement with numbers.
However
, metal peace of an individual
surely
hamper for upgrading the assets in order to be in queue of success.

Another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
believe that the definition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is varies from person to person. Almost all the professions contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a part to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fragrance of achievement could be collecting degrees from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
institutions; for a celebrity or
Possible spelling mistake found.
la-di-da
personality, number of movies done by them would cater the need of satisfaction; for solicitors –number of cases won and prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing philanthropy work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. There are ample of plausible evidences to debunk the myth of having affluent is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to be in road to success.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot pass the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential factors need to
be considered
for achieving the ultimate goal of life; with the passage of time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, and their priority amend according to explanation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
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Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful measure?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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