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Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v.1

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 1
Often, success is viewed as the achievement of goals. Target to achieve something, could be anything. Mostly, it is wealth, but, it depends on person to person. We can't assess anyone until we meet or talk. So, in general, wealth and material belongings are the ideal tool to measure success. By having wealth, success can be achieved and measured easily. Firstly, wealth can do anything in order to get respect, fame and dignity, etc. So as success gives. For example, in India, in some private collages, you can get admission by giving money. Also, in corrupt countries, assets play a major role to achieve something. After seeing few examples, it is obvious that a best measuring tool of success is the wealth. Secondly, let's assume, if any person has various qualities but not money. So, in present society, how that person will be perceived? Of course unsuccessful. For example, someone has many attributes and doing well in society but not have money. People will praise to that person for attributes, but will never say that is a successful individual. Hence, it is proved that the lens of success is assets. To summarise, wealth and material things are very important objects of life and key of success. By merely having qualities, will not make anyone successful unless and until that person earns or have money. Also, if wealth added with the wit, then a person would achieve and maintain success for forever. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is viewed
as the achievement of goals. Target to achieve something, could be anything.
Mostly
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
. We can't assess anyone until we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or talk.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
in general
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and material belongings are the ideal tool to measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. By having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
can
be achieved
and measured
easily
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
can do anything in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respect, fame and dignity, etc.
“So as” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
gives.
For example
, in India, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
private collages, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission by giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Also
, in corrupt countries, assets play a major role to achieve something. After seeing few examples, it is obvious that
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best measuring tool of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the wealth.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
's assume, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has various qualities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in present society, how that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will
be perceived
?
Of course
unsuccessful.
For example
, someone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attributes and doing well in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
will praise to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for attributes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will never say
that is
a successful individual.
Hence
, it
is proved
that the lens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is assets.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and material things are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
objects of life and key of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. By
merely
having qualities, will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anyone successful unless and until that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
earns or have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Also
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
with the wit, then a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would achieve and maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for forever. Do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
is the best measure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
?
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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