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success is often measured by wealth and material belongings Do you think wealth is the best measure of success What makes a successful person v.1

success is often measured by wealth and material belongings Do you think wealth is the best measure of success What makes a successful person v. 1
At present, individuals are devoting minimum time to physical exercise and adopting an unhealthy lifestyle. Some would argue that broadcasting sporting competitions are the best way to encourage youngsters to take part in sports as they follow their favourite players, while others say education is the pragmatic approach to persuade young ones to work on their fitness levels On the one hand, it is sometimes thought that sports celebrities act as a motivation to exhort people to maintain their health. In other words, individuals are following their favourite sports players and tend to imitate not only their actions, but their habits as well. Therefore, telecasting sport- be it on television or on the internet- can entice adults engage in sports with a view to becoming like the sportsperson. Proliferation in the number of young players emerging in cricket, in India, is solely due to the unprecedented number of cricket tournaments being telecast on different channels. I, however, believe that this practice can adversely affect the health of adults as instead of going out and playing with their peers, they are more likely to sit in front of TV screens and watch sports On the other hand, people are of the view that educating individual about the ill effects of sedentary lifestyle acts as a motivating factor to start doing workout and I agree. Making people aware of the downsides of not doing exercise at an early age during their schooling, help them gain a robust level of health and protect them from scores of lifestyle related diseases: diabetes, obesity and high blood pressure. In a pilot programme- initiated by the Government of India in high schools- it was revealed that those students who studied Physical Education in their schooling had attained comparatively high levels of health, unlikely their counterparts who did not have this subject in their school curricula. In conclusion, all the telecasting sports competition can result in urging adult partaking in exercises, I believe education can act as an enticement to persuade individuals to take part in sports.
At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are devoting minimum time to physical exercise and adopting an unhealthy lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that broadcasting sporting competitions are the best way to encourage youngsters to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as they follow their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
players, while others say education is the pragmatic approach to persuade young ones to work on their fitness
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
levels


On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
celebrities act as a motivation to exhort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are following their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players and tend to imitate not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their actions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their habits
as well
.
Therefore
, telecasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport-
be it on television or on the internet- can entice adults engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with a view to becoming like the sportsperson. Proliferation in the number of young players emerging in cricket, in India, is
solely
due to the unprecedented number of cricket tournaments being telecast on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels. I,
however
, believe that this practice can
adversely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of adults as
instead
of going out and playing with their peers, they are more likely to sit in front of TV screens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
sports

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the view that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
about the ill effects of sedentary lifestyle acts as a motivating factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
doing workout and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. Making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware of the downsides of not doing exercise at an early age during their schooling,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them gain a robust level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and protect them from scores of lifestyle related diseases: diabetes, obesity and high blood pressure. In a pilot
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
- initiated by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of India in high schools- it
was revealed
that those students who studied Physical Education in their schooling had attained
comparatively
high levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, unlikely their counterparts who did not have this subject in their school curricula.

In conclusion
, all the telecasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competition can result in urging adult partaking in exercises, I believe education can act as an enticement to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay success is often measured by wealth and material belongings Do you think wealth is the best measure of success What makes a successful person v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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