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Many children are encoraged by their parents to get a part time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v.1

Many children are encoraged by their parents to get a part time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v. 1
In this day and age, majority of care takers are motivating their offsprings for doing half past office in leisure point So, I intend to explore the merits of this practice along with few drawbacks as long as its drawbacks and negative outcomes. To regard with the favour of doing temporary industry. Firstly, these days, people are not able to maintain balance between their private and professional life just because of lack of date management skills. Therefore, if parents can teach their children for a day jobplace, then then, youth can enhance their social skills which are associated with communication skills, direction expertise as well as they may spend equality of space wisely. Moreover, in this era, every person wants to become successful and move forward from each others. Due to this manner, appointment in peacetime and in early age will be proved beneficial. In addition, teenagers may get more appointment opportunities in their later life as well as they can understand the importance of money. As a consequence, youngsters may become independent. Moving further with its drawbacks which have a bad influence. It is true that pastime endeavour is fruitful, but due to that habit, children may distract from their regular study and in the way of earning, they will give more work to emphasize task rather than study. Therefore, they cannot obtain high grades in the final exams cause of less turn and sometimes, they may leave a study. Having said that, irregular endeavour can be putted bad effect upon children's physical and mental development. Because in the age of playing, they have to do task in order for youth may feel stress, unhappiness and can not share emotions with their gardens due to fear of them. Hence, en security and depression may act as barriers to proper growth. In conclusion, working at a leisure moment give the chance to learn many new things which may help in coming years. However worrying about the future, humanity should not ignore its detriments results.
In this day and age,
majority of
care takers are motivating their
offsprings
for doing half past office in leisure point
So
, I intend to explore the merits of this practice along with few drawbacks as long as its drawbacks and
negative
outcomes.

To regard with the
favour
of doing temporary industry.
Firstly
, these days,
people
are not able to maintain balance between their private and professional life
just
because
of lack of date management
skills
.
Therefore
, if parents can teach their children for a day
jobplace
,
then then
, youth can enhance their social
skills
which
are associated
with communication
skills
, direction expertise
as well
as they may spend equality of space
wisely
.
Moreover
, in this era, every person wants to become successful and
move
forward from each
others
. Due to this manner, appointment in peacetime and in early age will
be proved
beneficial.
In addition
,
teenagers
may
get
more appointment opportunities in their later life
as well
as they can understand the importance of money. As a consequence, youngsters may become independent.

Moving
further
with its drawbacks which have a
bad
influence. It is true that pastime
endeavour
is fruitful,
but
due to that habit, children may distract from their regular study and in the way of earning, they will give more work to emphasize task
rather
than study.
Therefore
, they cannot obtain high grades in the final exams cause of less turn and
sometimes
, they may
leave
a study. Having said that, irregular
endeavour
can
be putted
bad
effect upon children's physical and mental development.
Because
in the age of playing, they have
to do
task in order for youth may feel
stress
, unhappiness and can not share emotions with their gardens due to fear of them.
Hence
, en security and depression may act as barriers to proper growth.

In conclusion
, working at a leisure moment give the chance to learn
many
new things which may
help
in coming years.
However
worrying about the future, humanity should not
ignore
its detriments results.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Many children are encoraged by their parents to get a part time. What are the advantages and disadvantage to children of doing so? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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