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Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v.3

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 3
Money is required by everyone for all their day to day activities. Some people often measure success by wealth or materialistic belongings. I strongly disagree with this opinion. I will explore on the topic of success in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, the basic necessity of a person are food, clothing and shelter. Money drives as a factor to achieve all these basic amenities. Thus, many a times people start measuring success with wealth. Moreover, success is subjective and differs from person to person and thus, is not quantifiable. For instance, for mountain climbers, climbing Mount Everest is a way to be successful whereas, for a student working hard and scoring a grade ’A’ is successful. Therefore, it becomes difficult to measure success. Success cannot be measured in terms of money, as it is relative. For example, for a poor individual a particular amount of money can make him feel successful as compared to a rich individual who won’t be concerned at all with that particular amount of money. The majority of people feel proud when they achieve something that they aimed for, are difficult to achieve or things that is not achieved by other people. My personal experience to achieve happiness is setting a short attainable goal on a weekly basis and work toward achieving it. Further, one can also make long term goals along with the short one and work hard to achieve it. Accomplishing such goals can make a person feel successful. To conclude, nonetheless, as success is relative, there is a plethora of factors that can make an individual feel it. However, a specific factor can be accomplishing any ambitious task.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is required
by everyone for all their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
by wealth or materialistic belongings. I
strongly
disagree with this opinion. I will explore on the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the basic necessity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
are food, clothing and shelter.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
drives as a factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
all these basic amenities.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
measuring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
with wealth.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is subjective and differs from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and
thus
, is not quantifiable.
For instance
, for mountain climbers, climbing Mount Everest is a way to be successful whereas, for a student working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and scoring a grade ’A’ is successful.
Therefore
, it becomes difficult to measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
cannot
be measured
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, as it is relative.
For example
, for a poor individual a particular amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
successful as compared to a rich individual who won’t
be concerned
at all with that particular amount of money.

The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
proud when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
something that they aimed for, are difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
or things
that is
not achieved by other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. My personal experience to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
happiness is setting a short attainable goal on a weekly basis and work toward achieving it.
Further
, one can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
long term goals along with the short one and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
it. Accomplishing such goals can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
successful.

To conclude
, nonetheless, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is relative, there is a plethora of factors that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
it.
However
, a specific factor can be accomplishing any ambitious task.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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