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Nowadays, museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v.3

Nowadays, museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 3
In recent times, foreign visitors rather than local residents, mainly visit museums and ancient sites. This is because, local citizens do not value their history and nationwide heritage programmes could solve this. Most local people, especially those of the millennial generation, are out of touch with their indigenous histories. Consequently, this has resulted from an overload of information via the internet and other sources, which is more focused on present entertainment, or on getting ahead. Thus, there is less focus on the events of the past and the significance which they hold, meaning no value of history. For example, a recent survey of 10, 000 Americans aged 18 to 45, found that only 11% of them could remember when and why the Vietnam war was fought. To encourage more visits to historical places by residents therefore, governments ought to carry out comprehensive cultural heritage programmes across their countries. These programmes should include features such as media broadcasts and enticing advertisements on national channels and social media, as well as remodel old sites so that they are more visually appealing. For example, a recent study of tourism in South Africa has indicated that after a 6-month heritage sensitization programme carried out by the government the percentage of citizens visiting museums and cultural sites increased from 20% to 58% in 2018. In conclusion, citizens have little value for their local histories and, as a result, pay fewer visits to museums and historical locations. This can be solved using national sensitization programmes geared at raising awareness of the significance of past events.
In recent times, foreign visitors
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents,
mainly
visit museums and ancient sites. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens do not value their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and nationwide heritage
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
could solve this.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
those of the millennial generation, are out of touch with their indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
.
Consequently
, this has resulted from an overload of information via the internet and other sources, which is more focused on present entertainment, or on getting ahead.
Thus
, there is less focus on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
of the past and the significance which they hold, meaning no value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
.
For example
, a recent survey of 10, 000 Americans aged 18 to 45, found that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11% of them could remember when and why the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Vietnam war
was fought
.

To encourage more visits to historical places by residents
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ought to carry out comprehensive cultural heritage
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
across their countries. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should include features such as media broadcasts and enticing advertisements on national channels and social media,
as well
as remodel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
sites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are more
visually
appealing.
For example
, a recent study of tourism in South Africa has indicated that after a 6-month heritage sensitization
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
carried out by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
the percentage of citizens visiting museums and cultural sites increased from 20% to 58% in 2018.

In conclusion
, citizens have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
value for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
and,
as a result
, pay fewer visits to museums and historical locations. This can
be solved
using national sensitization
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
geared at raising awareness of the significance of past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays, museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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