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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school? v.1

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school? v. 1
In our daily lives, which Is full of stress and anxiety, art forms like singing and dancing provide a necessary source of motivation and positivity. I strongly agree with this statement and believe that the art forms are even more important in today’s modern world. Everyone finds room for listening to music in their daily routine be it while commuting or cooking or just before going to bed. Listening to songs relaxes out mind and rejuvenates it. Moreover, it can also be a great career opportunity for people who have a passion for it. Technology has paved the way for many creative minds to enhance their skills which was not possible before. Technology also provides a platform for many artists to showcase their talent on a global scale. For example, Justin Beiber, who initially uploaded his singing videos to YouTube, caught the eye of millions of users and was soon signed by a world-renowned record label. Today he performs in concerts in sold-out stadiums globally. Equal importance should be given to both academics and extra-curricular activities. Parents should encourage their child to take up any art form that they are interested in. Teachers must also follow suit and motivate their students by advising them to take up art courses. For instance, learning a new instrument affects a child’s thinking ability and behaviour. It enables a child to think more broadly and creatively regarding all aspects of life. Overall, it brings a lot of change in an individual’s personality. To conclude, some parents think that, there are not many career opportunities in such fields and they are a waste of time. I strongly disagree with this and believe that, if people have an interest and passion for art forms, with some assistance and with the use of the technology, they can achieve success.
In our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, which Is full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
like singing and dancing provide a necessary source of motivation and positivity. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
are even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modern world.

Everyone finds room for listening to music in their daily routine be it while commuting or cooking or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to bed. Listening to songs relaxes out mind and rejuvenates it.
Moreover
, it can
also
be a great career opportunity for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a passion for it. Technology has paved the way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
creative minds to enhance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which was not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Technology
also
provides a platform for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
artists to showcase their talent on a global scale.
For example
, Justin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beiber
, who
initially
uploaded his singing videos to YouTube, caught the eye of millions of users and was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
signed by a world-renowned record label.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
he performs in concerts in sold-out stadiums globally.

Equal importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to both academics and extra-curricular activities. Parents should encourage their child to take up any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
that they
are interested
in. Teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
follow suit and motivate their students by advising them to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
courses.
For instance
, learning a new instrument affects a child’s thinking ability and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. It enables a child to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
broadly
and
creatively
regarding all aspects of life.
Overall
, it brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in an individual’s personality.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
career opportunities in such
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fields and
they are a waste of time. I
strongly
disagree with this and believe that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an interest and passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assistance and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the technology, they can achieve success.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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