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Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. to what extent do you agree with thisdefinition of success? What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v.1

Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v. 1
Working for longer hours is becoming increasingly common these days. The reason a lot of people do so is to earn money. However, it is equally, if not more, important to find a purpose in the work that we do as working just to earn well might lead to a burn-out in professional careers. This essay will discuss that while it is important to work hard to earn money, it is also essential to enjoy it. In today's world, having financial stability is quite crucial as we not only have a large number of bills to pay but also have a social status to maintain. It is thus required that people put in extra efforts at work to climb up the corporate ladder and earn more money. Based on a research by Harvard Business Review, more than 70% of the people in the US spend up to two extra hours at work every day to primarily get an overtime bonus in addition to getting their boss's attention. Thus, it is ubiquitous that more and more people are working extra to earn extra. Despite the fact that earning extra money can be good for a person, it should not be the sole driver for working hard. Doing so would only lead to people getting bored of their jobs and feeling discontent with their lives. Instead, it is critical that people identify the purpose in their jobs and find what they love doing, as that would give them a job satisfaction as well as a motivation to do better in their lives. For instance, teachers who realise their contribution to a child's future feel much happier about their jobs and lives than those who teach just for the handsome salaries at the end of the month. It is therefore important that people work hard for what they like as that pays them with much more than money. This essay argued that while it is necessary to work hard to earn money, it is much more rewarding to know the purpose of the job. In my opinion, it is essential that people follow their hearts in what they do for a living as it not only pays them with money but also makes them better and happier individuals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
for longer hours is becoming
increasingly
common these days. The reason
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
However
, it is
equally
, if not more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to find a purpose in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that we do as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
well might lead to a burn-out in professional careers. This essay will discuss that while it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is
also
essential to enjoy it.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, having financial stability is quite crucial as we not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
bills to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a social status to maintain. It is
thus
required that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
efforts at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to climb up the corporate ladder and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Based on
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
by Harvard Business Review, more than 70% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the US spend up to two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
hours at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day to
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an overtime bonus
in addition
to getting their boss's attention.
Thus
, it is ubiquitous that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
extra.

Despite the fact that earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for a person, it should not be the sole driver for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. Doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting
In standard English it's more accepted to use "bored with" or "bored by".
bored of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and feeling discontent with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Instead
, it is critical that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
identify the purpose in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and find what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
doing, as that would give them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
as well
as a motivation to do better in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, teachers who
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
their contribution to a child's future feel much happier about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than those who teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the handsome salaries at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the month. It is
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for what they like as that pays them with much more than money.

This essay argued that while it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is much more rewarding to know the purpose of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, it is essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow their hearts in what they do for a living as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pays them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them better and happier individuals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
375 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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