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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.89

A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 89
People these days are striving very hard at their work places to achieve more. This essay will state the reasons and possible solutions that employers ought to do to prevent employees from doing this. The main reason for the people to work hard is to earn more money. These materialistic gains are important to fulfil the increasing desire of people. Nowadays, people want to lead a luxurious life with best amenities and to achieve this, people are working hard. Parents are earning more because they want to give their children all the things which they demand. In other words spending power of people has increased, therefore, to match those spending people need more money. People want to save the money so that their next generation can lead a better life. Employers need to undertake steps to avoid such scenarios. Employers can limit the maximum number of hours, especially, those employees who have to stretch regularly, this will help them to spend some quality time with their family. Organisations need to take care of people as they face the risk of burnout after working for long hours. Longer working hours may also lead to decrease in efficiency. Companies should motivate employees to take leaves regularly. For instance, a survey suggests that efficiency of staff increases after taking some days off from work. To conclude, I feel that people are working hard to earn more money but they fail to realise that this can have a short term benefit and can impact their health. Employers need to motivate employees to take leaves and spend time with the family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
these days are striving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
at their work places to achieve more. This essay will state the reasons and possible solutions that employers ought to do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
from doing this.

The main reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. These materialistic gains are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to fulfil the increasing desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to lead a luxurious life
A determiner is probably missing here: "with the best".
with best
amenities and to achieve this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. Parents are earning more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to give their children all the things which they demand.
In other words
spending power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased,
therefore
, to match those spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
next
generation can lead a better life.

Employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to undertake steps to avoid such scenarios. Employers can limit the maximum number of hours,
especially
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stretch
regularly
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their family.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisations' is British English.
Organisations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of burnout after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for long hours. Longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours may
also
lead to decrease in efficiency.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
regularly
.
For instance
, a survey suggests that efficiency of staff increases after taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days off from work.

To conclude
, I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they fail to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that this can have a short term benefit and can impact their health. Employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and spend time with the family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 89

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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