Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays it is not only large studios that are able to make films Digital filmmaking now enables anyone to make films Do you think this is a positive or negative development v.1

Nowadays it is not only large studios that are able to make films Digital filmmaking now enables anyone to make films Do you think this is a positive or negative development v. 1
People in the entertainment industry are always in the public review, including the salary that they earn. Some individuals think that artists in the media field are highly paid in their professions. I strongly agree that the money paid for the entertainers is very high compared to people serving other important industries. Entertainers deserve a high paying salary due to unique talent that they posses. The industry is a highly creative field and demands special talents and innovative approach to achieve success in this field. For example, a pop musicians have to be creative in the song’s lyrics and in the musical composition. In addition, they also need to be trend setters and an icon for their followers. Since they have unique talents and appeal, they demand more pay for their work. However, the money paid to the artists is disproportional compared to the people in other fields. Individuals in Medical professions and the scientific research field should draw a high salary compare to the salary drawn by individuals in the media. The reason being the impact of the work or the product created is immense and highly valued among the population. For instance, creation of polio vaccine saved millions of people from the disease. Also, Research in lightweight material gave rise to new flexible and strong polycarbonate material for artificial limbs. Which helps millions of people around the world. Since the usefulness and impact on one’s life is very high, the professionals in these industries should be highly paid. In conclusion, Though professionals in the entertainment industry possess unique talents. The impact and services other industries like health care and research provide far outweighs the impact of the entertainment industry. Hence the pay should also be high for people in those professions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
are always in the public review, including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
that they earn.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that artists in the media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
paid in their professions. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the money paid for the entertainers is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
serving other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
industries.

Entertainers deserve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
due to unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
that
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they posses
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
and demands special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and innovative approach to achieve success in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
For example
, a pop
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "musician"?
musicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be creative in the song’s lyrics and in the musical composition.
In addition
, they
also
need to be trend setters and an icon for their followers. Since they have unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and appeal, they demand more pay for their work.

However
, the money paid to the artists is disproportional compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. Individuals in Medical professions and the scientific research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
should draw a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
compare to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
drawn by individuals in the media. The reason being the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of the work or the product created is immense and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
valued among the population.
For instance
, creation of polio vaccine saved millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the disease.
Also
, Research in lightweight material gave rise to new flexible and strong polycarbonate material for artificial limbs.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world. Since the usefulness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on one’s life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
, the professionals in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
highly
paid.

In conclusion
, Though professionals in the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
possess unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
and services other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
like health care and research provide far outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
of the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the pay should
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in those professions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays it is not only large studios that are able to make films Digital filmmaking now enables anyone to make films Do you think this is a positive or negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts