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Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. to what extent do you agree with thisdefinition of success? What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v.2

Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v. 2
wealth cannot be earned easily in this modern days without possessing smart skills. One has to make up his mind and tune into the frequency of earning money with all the opportunities that he faces as challenges in this society. Once any individual becomes rich, he is often pointed out as a successful person, since he had overcomes all the challenges and living his desireful life. For the past few decades, Sucessfull person are measured with the wealth he have. A wealthy people can buy or do anything as they wishes, unlike unhealthy people who struggle to make their life life more royal and manage family expenses. Bill Gates and Warren buffet are one among the worlds richest personlaities, who are quiet influential and are recognised as successfull person in the society. Many would like to follow them and know their path of achievements, so that people could try to follow the same path and become successful in their life. People in society should not only consider wealth as a measure of success. There are many, who help needy people and bring their life to betterment and peace. One such successfull person is Mother Teressa, who served needy people throughout her life-time. Helping and serving needy people should also be considered as a measure, since it helps to improve everyone in the society giving them a chance to have better life. To conclude, wealth, Helping tendency and serving people under poverty line stands equal in weights as a measure of success.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
wealth
cannot
be earned
easily
in this modern days without possessing smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up his
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
mind


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
tune into the frequency of earning money with all the opportunities that he faces as challenges in this society.

Once any individual becomes rich, he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pointed out as a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, since he had overcomes all the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
challenges
and living his
Possible spelling mistake found.
desireful
life.

For the past few decades,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sucessfull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
are measured
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
. A wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
do


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
anything
as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "wish"
wishes
, unlike unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
Possible typo: you repeated a word
life life
more royal and manage family expenses.

Bill Gates and Warren buffet are one among the worlds richest
Possible spelling mistake found.
personlaities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Did you mean "quite"? 'quiet' means 'silent', 'quite' mean 'very' or 'to a moderate extent'
quiet
influential and are
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
as

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
successfull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
would like to follow them and know their path of achievements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
could


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
try
to follow the same path and become successful in their life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in society should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
as a measure of success. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
bring


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
their
life to betterment and peace. One such
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is Mother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Teressa
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
served needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
her


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
life-time
. Helping and serving needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
be considered
as a measure, since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
everyone
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
in


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
society giving them a chance to have better life.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
, Helping tendency and serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
under poverty line stands equal in weights as a measure of success.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay Success in todays society is measured in terms of wealth. What other measures of success should society take into consideration? v. 2

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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