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Success in life depends on hard work and determination or on other factors like money and personal appearance. Discuss both views and give you opinion. v.1

Success in life depends on hard work and determination or on other factors like money and personal appearance. v. 1
Being successful in life is a dream of every individual. Factors such as hard work, dedication and determination as well as wealth and personal appearance contribute to their achievements. However, I am of the opinion that, talent and calculated efforts are desired and solely responsible for accomplishments. Success depends on a number of factors such as talent, perspiration and perseverance. Talented individuals work hard to improve their potential to become the best in their field. If a person does not work towards their set goals they will not be able to build confidence. It takes a tremendous amount of time and dedication to build a skill. There is a saying, "Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration". This is a clear evidence that patience is required to be successful. On the other hand, it is believed that rich people have no aptitude, but still they manage to be ahead in life than their peers. Having a lavish lifestyle makes people attracted to you which can cater to certain audiences. This gives them attention from their fans. For instance, there are celebrities who host talk shows such as Kim Kardashian a well known social activist. The show aired on television as, " Keeping up with the Kardashians. She has no skills in real life, but still has made it big due to her physical beauty and wealthy family. In my opinion, An individual can achieve great heights if they focus on their dreams and achieve it. Being wealthy and glamourous does not make you competent it is only a helping hand. Being beautiful is important for fashion models, but not for everyone. The public not only wants to view competent individuals, but also rich and pleasing personality. For example, Every year there are contest for beauty pageants where talented models showcase their talent and why they should be crowned the title. Here we see beauty with brains crowned as the winner. In conclusion, we see that success is due to factors such as perseverance and perspiration. By only being a rich and glamourous success is not guaranteed. Talent plays a crucial role in winning the title of success.
Being successful in life is a dream of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. Factors such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, dedication and determination
as well
as wealth and personal appearance contribute to their achievements.
However
, I am of the opinion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and calculated efforts
are desired
and
solely
responsible for accomplishments.

Success depends on a number of factors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, perspiration and perseverance. Talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their potential to become the best in their field.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a person does not work towards their set goals they will not be able to build confidence. It takes a tremendous amount of time and dedication to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. There is a saying,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. This is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence that patience
is required
to be successful.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
that rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no aptitude,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
they manage to be ahead in life than their peers. Having a lavish lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attracted to you which can cater to certain audiences. This gives them attention from their fans.
For instance
, there are celebrities who host talk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
such as Kim Kardashian a well known social activist. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
aired on television as,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
Keeping up with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kardashians
. She has no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in real life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
has made it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
due to her physical beauty and wealthy family.

In my opinion, An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can achieve great heights if they focus on their dreams and achieve it. Being wealthy and
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you competent it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a helping hand. Being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for fashion models,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for everyone. The public not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wants to view competent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
rich and pleasing personality.
For example
, Every year there are
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "contests"?
contest
for beauty pageants where talented models showcase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and why they should
be crowned
the title. Here we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
beauty with brains crowned as the winner.

In conclusion
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is due to factors such as perseverance and perspiration. By
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
being a rich and
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not guaranteed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Talent
plays a crucial role in winning the title of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Success in life depends on hard work and determination or on other factors like money and personal appearance. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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