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Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. v. 2
Individuals hold different opinions about distinctive recipes for success. While many believe that success results from money and personal appearance, I advocate with another idea that hard work and perseverance are genuinely core factors. On the one hand, I do agree with those who maintain that industry and dogged determination are much more vital, paving the way to success. The prime example of this is Nick Vujick, a globally famous inspirational speaker, who was born with severe disease which result in the loss of four limbs. Despite of suffering that adversity, he has achieved numerous personal achievements with four bachelor' s degrees in Australia and become an well-known inspirator who inspire driving forces for people around the world, especially those disabled. Another example that deserve public attention is Jack Ma, a billionaire in China. In his early life, he had to ride his bicycle for about 40 minutes from his house and give the foreiners the tours for free in order to improve his English. By doing so, he could have the good command of English and has become one of the most influential chinese billionaire. Consequently, it is evident that people who show commitment and perseverance could be flying high and fulfill their dreams. On the other hand, money and personal outward could be the possible factors which lead to success. It is true that many singers rock to stardom without experencing any training sessions or even have bad voice, seeing that they are good-looking and have investing heavily in their outfit, their appearance. To illustrate, Son Tung MTP is one of the most renowed young singers in Vietnam. Though his voice is not great sufficient to become a star, thanks to outstanding garment and eye-catching video clips, he has drawed the attention of many youngsters as his adoring fans. Cuong Dollar is also a case of successful businessman owing to his mother money. His success, therefore, could be attributed to money and prestige instead of through making heroic efforts in his career path. In conclusion, it seems to me that people who are industrious and show determination are more likely to lead successful lives, although material comforts and outward appearance could be the probable factors to some extent.
Individuals hold
different
opinions about distinctive recipes for
success
. While
many
believe that
success
results from
money
and personal appearance, I advocate with another
idea
that
hard
work and perseverance are
genuinely
core factors.

On the one hand, I do
agree
with those
who
maintain that industry and dogged determination are much more vital, paving the way to
success
. The prime example of this is Nick
Vujick
, a globally
famous
inspirational speaker,
who
was born
with severe disease which result in the loss of four limbs.
Despite of
suffering that adversity, he has achieved numerous personal achievements with four
bachelor&
#039; s degrees in Australia and become
an
well-known
inspirator
who
inspire driving forces for
people
around the world,
especially
those disabled. Another example that deserve public attention is Jack Ma, a billionaire in China. In his early life, he had to ride his bicycle for about 40 minutes from his
house
and give the
foreiners
the tours for free in order to
improve
his English. By doing
so
, he could have the
good
command of English and has become one of the most influential
chinese
billionaire.
Consequently
, it is evident that
people
who
show
commitment and perseverance could be flying high and fulfill their dreams.

On the other hand
,
money
and personal outward could be the possible factors which lead to
success
. It is true that
many
singers rock to stardom without
experencing
any training sessions or even have
bad
voice, seeing that they are
good
-looking and have investing
heavily
in their outfit, their appearance. To illustrate, Son
Tung
MTP is one of the most
renowed
young singers in Vietnam. Though his voice is not great sufficient to become a star, thanks to outstanding garment and eye-catching video clips, he has
drawed
the attention of
many
youngsters as his adoring fans.
Cuong
Dollar is
also
a case of successful businessman owing to his mother
money
. His
success
,
therefore
, could
be attributed
to
money
and prestige
instead
of through making heroic efforts in his career path.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
people
who
are industrious and
show
determination are more likely to lead successful
lives
, although material comforts and outward appearance could be the probable factors to
some
extent.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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