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Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. v. 1
Finding the best method in academic life is a great topic, which is attracted by the attention of students. More and more people begin to realize that students are more beneficial when studying in groups, while there is numerous debate that pupils should be encouraged in the study alone. From my point of view, I strongly believe that someone work with their classmates can bring more effective than study alone, because of the following reasons above. When students take a step into their major, they have to face various problems related to the quantity of knowledge. To keep abreast with these learning programs, students have to work intensively as well as trying to improve their knowledge. Sometimes, their efforts not only do not bring high efficiency but also pressure in the process of their study. As a result, studying in groups is considered the best learning method. Firstly, studying in groups, where all members can give their questions that they do not understand or share their opinion about a problem through professions seminars. For instance, in Japan’s education system, students are usually encouraged to work together to save their researching time as well as improving studying effectively without getting work-overload. Secondly, members will present their ideas after researching, so these activities also improve sort skills as debating and problem- solving ability, which helps students are more confident in life. Finally, many students may derive energy from being around other people and look forward to learning and discussing the material with classmates. This would create inspiration and a positive attitude towards learning, as well as encourage the pursuit of further education. On the other hand, others believe that study alone is played crucial roles with students due to they can proactively give their ideas and have responsibility for their results. However, studying alone can existing problems like uncontrollable risks in each stage of the studying process, do not have a comparison. So, they can easily make mistakes about errors in sequences. To sum up, while there are some students who may choose to study alone because they can independently control their study and have no unnecessary distractions from others, it seems to me that group study is more worthwhile regarding comprehensive understanding and learning motivation.
Finding the best method in academic life is a great topic, which
is attracted
by the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more beneficial when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, while there is numerous debate that pupils should
be encouraged
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. From my point of view, I
strongly
believe that someone work with their classmates can bring more effective than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons above.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take a step into their major, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to the quantity of knowledge. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
programs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
intensively
as well
as trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, their efforts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do not bring high efficiency
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
pressure in the process of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
is considered
the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
method.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, where all members can give their questions that they do not understand or share their opinion about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
through professions seminars.
For instance
, in Japan’s education system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
usually
encouraged to work together to save their researching time
as well
as improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
effectively
without getting work-overload.
Secondly
, members will present their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
after researching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these activities
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
sort
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as debating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem-
solving ability, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more confident in life.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may derive energy from being around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and look forward to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and discussing the material with classmates. This would create inspiration and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
,
as well
as encourage the pursuit of
further
education.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
is played
crucial roles with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
due to they can
proactively
give their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and have responsibility for their results.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like uncontrollable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in each stage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
process, do not have a comparison.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes about errors in sequences.

To sum up, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who may choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
independently
control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and have no unnecessary distractions from others, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is more worthwhile regarding comprehensive understanding and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
motivation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that success in life depends on hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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