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Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as an important life skill. v. 1
Some would argue that the financial management course should be included in college school student’s course work since it is an essential life skill. In my opinion, I believe that introducing it at an earlier age will help in shaping their future life as a responsible adult. It is often believed by some that teaching young aged children personal finance course will be overwhelming as they several other courses that are more relevant to learn for future advancement. In other words, they believe that Juveniles should focus on their core subject like biology, accounting and art that they need for their future career. However, if they need to treat other courses it should be what relates to the subject that can deal with social issues due to the alarming increase in crime rate. Hence, colleges should restrict themselves on pressing issues that will be beneficial to society at large Nevertheless, In my view, I opine that financial management is an important skill that is required for future growth. This means that young adult between age 12 and 18 need to know how to save money to be more financially conscious. Money is an important tool and little or no knowledge of managing in it might result in been financial handicapped for the rest of their life. Furthermore, the skill of money management is of paramount importance in today’s employment world. Therefore, in order them to thrive in this present-day the skill is germane and it is advantageous for job applicants that have pre-knowledge of it. To conclude, while it believes it is overburden to teach finance courses in secondary school, I opine that this course is relevant in shaping the children's future and it will help in growing the nation as a whole.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that the financial management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
should
be included
in college school student’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
work since it is an essential life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. In my opinion, I believe that introducing it at an earlier age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in shaping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
life as a responsible adult.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that teaching young aged children personal finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
will be overwhelming as they several other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that are more relevant to learn for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
advancement.
In other words
, they believe that Juveniles should focus on their core subject like biology, accounting and art that they need for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
career.
However
, if they need to treat other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
it should be what relates to the subject that can deal with social issues due to the alarming increase in crime rate.
Hence
, colleges should restrict themselves on pressing issues that will be beneficial to society at large

Nevertheless
, In my view, I opine that financial management is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that
is required
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
growth. This means that young adult between age 12 and 18 need to know how to save money to be more
financially
conscious. Money is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no knowledge of managing in it might result in been financial handicapped for the rest of their life.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
of money management is of paramount importance in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s employment world.
Therefore
, in order them to thrive in this present-day the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is germane and it is advantageous for job applicants that have
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-knowledge
of it.

To conclude
, while it believes it is
Consider using a past participle here: "overburdened".
overburden
to teach finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in secondary school, I opine that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
is relevant in shaping the children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in growing the nation as a whole.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that secondary or high school students should be taught how to use money management as an important life skill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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