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Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extend do you agree or reject the idea of moving these subjects fr v.2

Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. 2
Some people are of the view that, most children would suffer as subject such as art, music and sport are withdrawn from the school curriculum for information technology. However, others are of an opposite view. To begin, information technology offers a platform to extend skills such as art. It does so in a sophisticated manner. For instance, there are softwares such as corel draw in the computer. This softwares offers avenues to develop artistic skills in a modern account. The work is normally error free as it is done through a computer. In addition, musical abilities can also be cultivated by the use of a computer. For example, softwares are available which creates musical beats as well recording voices of singers. This recordings and musical beats, can therefore be edited time and again to produce quality songs. Thus, it is not worth doubting that information technology should replace subjects such as art and music in school. On the other hand, information technology does not improve physical fitness which is vital in sports. This is so because one would just be sited before the computer, hence laziness being promoted. Consequently, killing the stamina needed in sporting activities. Evenmore, traditional art and musical skills are bound to extinct. Original drawing by a pencil and paper would be no more as drawing is done by a computer. The same goes for original musical voice. It would be edited to produce perfection by a computer. In conclusion, whether subjects such as art, music, and sport should be dropped for information technology has caused a spirited debated amongst individuals. However, I assert for both art, sport, and music, and information technology to be incorporated at the same level in the school curriculum.
Some
people
are of the view that, most children would suffer as subject such as
art
,
music
and
sport
are withdrawn from the school curriculum for
information
technology
.
However
, others are of an opposite view.

To
begin
,
information
technology
offers a platform to extend
skills
such as
art
. It does
so
in a sophisticated manner
.
For instance
, there are
softwares
such as
corel
draw
in the computer
.
This
softwares
offers
avenues to develop artistic
skills
in a modern account. The work is
normally
error free as it
is done
through a computer.

In addition
,
musical
abilities can
also
be cultivated
by the
use
of a computer.
For example
,
softwares
are available which creates
musical
beats
as well
recording voices of singers.
This
recordings and
musical
beats, can
therefore
be edited
time and again to produce quality songs.
Thus
, it is not worth doubting that
information
technology
should replace subjects such as
art
and
music
in school.

On the other hand
,
information
technology
does not
improve
physical fitness which is vital in
sports
. This is
so
because
one would
just
be sited
before
the computer,
hence
laziness
being promoted
.
Consequently
, killing the stamina needed in sporting activities.
Evenmore
, traditional
art
and
musical
skills
are bound
to extinct. Original drawing by a pencil and paper would be no more
as
drawing
is done
by a computer. The same goes for original
musical
voice. It would
be edited
to produce perfection by a computer.

In conclusion
, whether subjects such as
art
,
music
, and
sport
should
be dropped
for
information
technology
has caused a spirited debated amongst individuals.
However
, I assert for both
art
,
sport
, and
music
, and
information
technology
to
be incorporated
at the same level in the school curriculum.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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