Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. Give reasons for your answer and inclu v.15

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. 15
Today’s world has been divided into developing and industrialised countries which the main difference between them is the amount of money that governments apply in important sectors such as education, health and commerce. Most of the poorer nations are buried in debts as a result of their unbalanced finances which are reflect in a failed health care, an unstructured education system and a weak international trade. This vicious cycle will continue indefinitely unless wealthier nations show interest in minimizing the worldwide economic differences, as well as taking more responsibility for assisting less fortunate countries. Most of the African countries live in sub-human conditions because of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of education and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those countries could improve if the infected population were to receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to health professionals and get information on how to prevent its spread. But this can only be achieved through international help programs in which leaders of the world’s richest countries donate medicine and also send doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need. Moreover, most of the poor countries rely on selling agricultural products and raw materials to rich nations and buying industrialized products from them resulting in a huge financial deficit. Consequently, they borrow a significant amount of money from the World Bank to try to improve their broken economies, but sometimes the money disappears with no significant changes and they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this issue, last year the G8, which is comprised of leaders of the eight richest nations, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the world’s poorest nations. In addition, they developed adequate loan programs to financially assist those countries. In conclusion, leaders of the industrialised countries play an indispensable role in assisting developing nations in dealing with essential areas such as health, education and trade. Also, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle, which results in poverty and death.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has
been divided
into developing and
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which the main difference between them is the amount of money that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
apply in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and commerce. Most of the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are buried
in debts
as a result
of their unbalanced finances which are
Consider using a past participle here: "reflected".
reflect
in a failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care, an unstructured
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and a weak international trade. This vicious cycle will continue
indefinitely
unless wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in minimizing the worldwide economic differences,
as well
as taking more responsibility for assisting less fortunate countries.

Most of the African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in sub-human conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the extreme poverty, upheaval, hunger, disease, unemployment, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and both inexperienced and corrupt administrations. The devastating consequences of the AIDS epidemic in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
if the infected population were to receive free drugs to control the disease, have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
professionals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
its spread.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
through international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
programs in which leaders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
donate medicine and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
doctors and nurses to treat and educate those in need.

Moreover
, most of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rely on selling agricultural products and raw materials to rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and buying
Do not mix variants of the same word ('industrialize' and 'industrialise') within a single text.
industrialized
products from them resulting in a huge financial deficit.
Consequently
, they borrow a significant amount of money from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Bank to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their broken economies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the money disappears with no significant
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changes and
they cannot even pay the interest to the bank. Regarding this issue, last year the G8, which
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?
is comprised of
leaders of the eight richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, decided to forgive billions of dollars worth of debt owed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world’s
poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
In addition
, they developed adequate loan programs to
financially
assist those countries.

In conclusion
, leaders of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
play an indispensable role in assisting developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in dealing with essential areas such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and trade.
Also
, their aid is the key to breaking the vicious cycle, which results in poverty and death.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts