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Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you support or reject the idea of moving these subjects v.1

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. 1
Bestowing ample praise to senior citizens is lessening gradually in most societies. The will demonstrate several reasons as to why young people no longer esteem theirs elders and put forward various problems concerning it. To honour aged people is a noble manner and etiquette. There are a number of causes for lacking decency and suavity. First of all, urbanity and modesty which are the inherent quality of an aristocratic man can usually and significantly be learned from family. If the junior residences gainsay the family restrictions and order, then they will deprive of family education. Secondly, adolescents accompany notorious and wicked friends that lead them to be indecent and disobedient in a short while. As a result, they do not regard elder individuals as an adorable community. For instance, a dire news revealed a couple of months ago in India, for being influenced by ill-mannered boys, young generation became defiant and licentious frequently that impact on being rebuking to their older. There are countless effects of being scornful regarding older people. The prime challenge will be to regulate the serenity and stability of the world. For example, when less aged persons will occur heinous crimes in native land and the senior, at that moment, will dissuade them from doing hideous works, they will not heed to that request. Secondly, the earth will be unrestrained and slovenly. Such as, emerging type people will commit myriad ominous and obnoxious tasks as they do not venerate their elders. Consequently, across the country, wanton and intractability will be visible. To conclude, meagre homage to aged people is growing difficulties in nowadays. So, the essay described a large number of reasons, namely lack of family education, bad friends and a great deal problems such as unordered of society and inordinate youngest will be up day by day
Bestowing ample praise to senior citizens is lessening
gradually
in most societies.
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
The
will demonstrate several reasons as to why young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
no longer esteem theirs elders and put forward various problems concerning it.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a noble manner and etiquette. There are a number of causes for lacking decency and suavity.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, urbanity and modesty which are the inherent quality of an aristocratic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can
usually
and
significantly
be learned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. If the junior residences gainsay the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
restrictions and order, then they will deprive of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
education.
Secondly
, adolescents accompany notorious and wicked friends that lead them to be indecent and disobedient in a short while.
As a result
, they do not regard elder individuals as an adorable community.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "dire news".
a dire news
revealed a couple of months ago in India, for
being influenced
by ill-mannered boys, young generation became defiant and licentious
frequently
that impact on being rebuking to their older.

There are countless effects of being scornful regarding older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The prime challenge will be to regulate the serenity and stability of the world.
For example
, when less aged persons will occur heinous crimes in native land and the senior, at that moment, will dissuade them from doing hideous works, they will not heed to that request.
Secondly
, the earth will
be unrestrained
and
slovenly
. Such as, emerging type
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will commit myriad ominous and obnoxious tasks as they do not venerate their elders.
Consequently
, across the country, wanton and intractability will be visible.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'meagre' is British English.
meagre
homage to aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
growing difficulties
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
reasons,
namely
lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
education,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
friends and a great deal problems such as unordered of society and inordinate youngest will be up day by day
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the school curriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many students suffer as a result of these changes. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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