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Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. To what extend do you agree or reject the idea of moving these subjects fr v.1

Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. 1
Today, many people across the globe prefer to live independently or in small family groups instead of the traditional extended family networks. While such living arrangement is perceived by many to be greatly beneficial for them, I am of the view that this development in many societies is largely a negative one. In most cases, living alone or in smaller units can turn out to be more expensive than choosing to stay with other relatives in an extended household. This is because there are fewer members of the family to share the living expenses with. Hence, people who opt to live independently or in nuclear family structures tend to spend more for such areas as rent, food, utilities, and transportation, thereby limiting their financial resources and making it harder for them to make ends meet. Apart from this, those who choose this living arrangement often experiences a lack of family support. Although some might enjoy the freedom and flexibility, living in smaller family groups can bring, they soon realize that this can be an isolating and depressing experience. Being disconnected from their extended family, these individuals have no one to turn to for help or guidance, especially during the most difficult and trying times of their lives. In effect, they often feel left out and out on their own most of the time. Worst of all, this tendency among people negatively affects societies in a number of ways. With less interaction with other family members, especially the elders, many individuals do not only unknowingly destroy the bonds that bring close-knit families together but also become completely oblivious of their heritage and ancestry. These circumstances, in turn, lead to the erosion of cultural values within families and communities in many nations all over the world. In conclusion, while it has become commonplace in many societies for individuals to live alone or in small family groups, I do not think that this is a positive trend. The drawbacks of such development far outweigh the benefits it brings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
across the globe prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups
instead
of the traditional extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
networks. While such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
arrangement
is perceived
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to be
greatly
beneficial for them, I am of the view that this development in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies is
largely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
one.

In most cases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
alone or in smaller units can turn out to be more expensive than choosing to stay with other relatives in an extended household. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are fewer members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to share the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
expenses with.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
or in nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures tend to spend more for such areas as rent, food, utilities, and transportation, thereby limiting their financial resources and making it harder for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.

Apart from this, those who choose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
arrangement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
experiences a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might enjoy the freedom and flexibility,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups can bring, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realize that this can be an isolating and depressing experience.
Being disconnected
from their extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, these individuals have no one to turn to for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or guidance,
especially
during the most difficult and trying times of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In effect, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
out and out
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
most of the time.

Worst of all, this tendency among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
negatively
affects societies in a number of ways. With less interaction with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members,
especially
the elders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unknowingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the bonds that bring close-knit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
together
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
become completely oblivious of their heritage and ancestry. These circumstances, in turn, lead to the erosion of cultural values within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and communities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations all over the world.

In conclusion
, while it has become commonplace in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies for individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend. The drawbacks of such development far outweigh the benefits it brings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Subjects such as art, sport and music are being dropped out of the school curriculum for subjects such as information technology. Many children suffer as a result of these changes. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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