Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.1

Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1
It is considered by some that allocating a weekly stipend to children to spend is a welcome idea while others believed that such action is frivolous. In my opinion, I believe that giving a youngster money for personal use helps to learn money management, but can also result in compulsive buying habit. On the one hand, many think it is a good idea to allow youth to have money at their disposal as it gives them a good head start to mastering their finances. In other words, when a teenager has fixed income per time, he can be held accountable for his spending and saving ability early in life. Prudence is learned over time and requires real life experience which can only be achieved when the kid have control over their personal wealth. On the other hand, availing too much liquidity to a minor may result in impulse buying. As babies, the urge to possess is never ending. When such an appetite for material acquisition is backed with the right amount of financial power, then, purchasing will no longer be purposeful but an act of compulsion which could lead to materialism or obsession for things. Finally, in my opinion, whether a child should readily have access to liquid money or not should depend on the age of the child. For instance, it will amount to utter waste of resources if a six-year old is being credited with 300 dollars weekly. This is because he lacks the skill or competence to manage such amount of capital. In contrast, a fifteen-year old female might require some token to take care of her private affairs considering that the age is associated with changes in her physiology and will need some items for cleanliness. In conclusion, entrusting children with weekly token or not should be hinged on how old the child is. The parent should ensure that age limitation is taken into account before giving cash to their children in order to be sure that the money will not be wasted.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that allocating a weekly stipend to children to spend is a welcome
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
while others believed that such action is frivolous. In my opinion, I believe that giving a youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
result in compulsive buying habit.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
youth to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at their disposal as it gives them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
head
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to mastering their finances.
In other words
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
income per time, he can
be held
accountable for his spending and saving ability early in life. Prudence
is learned
over time and requires real life experience which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be achieved
when the kid have control over their personal wealth.

On the other hand
, availing too much liquidity to a minor may result in impulse buying. As babies, the urge to possess is never ending. When such an appetite for material acquisition
is backed
with the right amount of financial power, then, purchasing will no longer be purposeful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an act of compulsion which could lead to materialism or obsession for things.

Finally
, in my opinion, whether a child should
readily
have access to liquid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or not should depend on the age of the child.
For instance
, it will amount to utter waste of resources if a six-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is
being credited
with 300 dollars weekly. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he lacks the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
or competence to manage such amount of capital.
In contrast
, a fifteen-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
female might require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
token to take care of her private affairs considering that the age
is associated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in her physiology and will need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items for cleanliness.

In conclusion
, entrusting children with weekly token or not should
be hinged
on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
the child is. The parent should ensure that age limitation
is taken
into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving cash to their children in order to be sure that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will not
be wasted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many people play sport when they are young, but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adults. Why do so many adults stop doing physical exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts