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Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That is why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is often believed that art should be made mandatory in schools as it could help students to perform better in other subjects and learn new things easily. I strongly agree with the statement and think that art should be taught along with other subjects in school. First of all, I believe art subjects should be made compulsory in schools because it helps youngsters to showcase their talents at early stages of life and find their strong areas. Some students who might not do well in science subjects can get a chance to excel in the arts subjects and choose the career in arts field ultimately. For example, many youngsters who have studied both art and science in schools have high success rate in finding the job as they will have various options to choose. Thus, studying arts in schools along with other subjects plays a key role in student’s career. Secondly, having a good knowledge on the arts such as drawing helps students to perform better in science subjects as well. Many biological science subjects require students to visualize human and animal body parts and put them in the form of drawing to understand the subject even better. For instance, a research study conducted on youngsters indicated that 70% of the people who had studied arts in their primary school were able to succeed in their professional career due to their multitasking abilities. That is why it is important to teach art subjects right from the primary school. To conclude, I completely agree that art subjects should be part of the course curriculum in schools because it helps students to find their strong talents at initial stages of their life and do better performance in education.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be made
mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as it could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and learn new things
easily
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be taught
along with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in school.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be made
compulsory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
youngsters to showcase their talents at early stages of life and find their strong areas.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who might not do well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to excel in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and choose the career in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
field
ultimately
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters who have studied both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have high success rate in finding the job as they will have various options to choose.
Thus
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
along with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
plays a key role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
career.

Secondly
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
knowledge on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as drawing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
biological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to visualize human and animal body parts and put them in the form of drawing to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
.
For instance
, a research study conducted on youngsters indicated that 70% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in their primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
were able to succeed in their professional career due to their multitasking abilities.
That is
why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
right from the primary school.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be part of the course curriculum in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find their strong talents at initial stages of their life and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance in education.
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IELTS essay Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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