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Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v.3

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v. 3
In some nations, there have been a recent rise in the number of crimes happening per time. A lot of individuals are of the opinion that, ensuring more police officers on the streets is the only option available to bring down this rate. My suggestion is that, there are other acts that can be put in place. Firstly, it's necessary to note that these officers, whom would be guarding the streets are humans. They can be easily distracted or manipulated by events surrounding them thereby, becoming ineffective at their duty post due to tiredness or even sickness. Human resources can be more useful by allowing their intelligence play a role in security instead of their strength, meaning automated camera can do the watchmen work and give accuracy of events happening. The information from these machines can be used as retrospective data for future events. More also, the criminals seem to be street wise these days because they know the routes to pass and the ones they must not go through. For example, in Nigeria, there has been sporadic rise in crime rates despite an increase of security officers on the streets. These thieves have learnt to be more wise by doing their worst during hours officers are resting from their duty post. However, having men to keep watch on the roads daily will be more costly to the government and families of these police officers. The cost of employing staffs will reduce and the safety of the policemen will be guaranteed as automated machines will not only bring about sound report, but also reduce the incidence of them being shot by the hoodlums. For example, a report was given in Singapore on the number of men who have lost their lives to keeping the populace safe by working on roads and inspecting men passing has been on a very high side which has brought about the need of the country to look for an alternative to this kind of duty. In conclusion, safety of men working for the government and the people is very necessary to the growth of the society. Having men watching the roads won't reduce the criminal rate let alone causing more damage.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, there have been a recent rise in the number of crimes happening per time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
individuals are of the opinion that, ensuring more police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option available to bring down this rate. My suggestion is that, there are other acts that can
be put
in place.

Firstly
, it's necessary to note that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
, whom would be guarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
are humans. They can be
easily
distracted or manipulated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
surrounding them thereby, becoming ineffective at their duty post due to tiredness or even sickness. Human resources can be more useful by allowing their intelligence play a role in security
instead
of their strength, meaning automated camera can do the watchmen work and give accuracy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happening. The information from these machines can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as retrospective data for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

More
also
, the criminals seem to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
street
wise these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know the routes to pass and the ones they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not go through.
For example
, in Nigeria, there has been sporadic rise in crime rates despite an increase of security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streets
. These thieves have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
to be more wise by doing their worst during hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
are resting from their duty post.

However
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on the roads daily will be more costly to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and families of these police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
. The cost of employing staffs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and the safety of the policemen will
be guaranteed
as automated machines will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring about sound report,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the incidence of them
being shot
by the hoodlums.
For example
, a report was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in Singapore on the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who have lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to keeping the populace safe by working on roads and inspecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
passing has been on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high side which has brought about the need of the country to look for an alternative to this kind of duty.

In conclusion
, safety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
working for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary to the growth of the society. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
watching the roads won't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the criminal rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone causing more damage.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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