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Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and provide some solutions? v.1

Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and provide some solutions? v. 1
The numbers of students studying abroad have been increasing in recent years. It is often argued that this trend has a positive impact on students and the countries involved. First and foremost, studying abroad exposes students to different cultures and backgrounds. Learning others’ culture and backgrounds are vital and beneficial as it deepens an individual’s knowledge base. Likewise, sometimes it helps students to pick up another language which may be of good use in the future. For instance, statistics have shown that students who study abroad tend to perform better than those who study in local. Thus, it is safe to say that studying abroad can help students to learn about new cultures and backgrounds. However, having many overseas students in a country may increase the competition rate of getting accepted in local universities. This may have a negative impact on local students as it might be harder to be accepted by local universities and would be exceptionally tough to get into well-known universities. As an illustration, it is believed that 40% of candidates who are accepted in local universities are normally overseas students, leaving only 60% for the local students. Therefore, local students may be at a disadvantage if this trend continues. To conclude, it seems to me that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks and having more overseas students have a positive impact on students and the countries involved as overseas students get to expose themselves to different culture and backgrounds which may be of good use later in their life.
The numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
have been increasing in recent years. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that this trend has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the countries involved.

First
and foremost, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
exposes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and backgrounds. Learning others’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and backgrounds are vital and beneficial as it deepens an individual’s knowledge base.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to pick up another language which may be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the future.
For instance
, statistics have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
tend to perform better than those who study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
.
Thus
, it is safe to say that studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn about new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and backgrounds.

However
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a country may increase the competition rate of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. This may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as it might be harder to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and would be
exceptionally
tough to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. As an illustration, it
is believed
that 40% of candidates who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are
normally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, leaving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
60% for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may be at a disadvantage if this trend continues.

To conclude
, it seems to me that the advantages outweigh the drawbacks and having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the countries involved as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to expose themselves to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and backgrounds which may be of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
later in their life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies have suggested that children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and provide some solutions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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