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Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v.2

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v. 2
Nowadays, illegal acts among youngsters have increased substantially in many territories and places around the world. There must be several reasons and solutions for this matter which will be discussed throughout this essay such as social media and the paucity of parental control that I think can be solved with the supervision of parents and holding counselling sessions. On the one hand, social media is playing a vital role in today's modern life, thus making it more challenging for fathers and mothers to manage their children because they can see a lot of content which can make them do undesired things such as delinquency. for instance, there was a teenager that held up a gathering at their house through online social media, which it ended up for him to be arrested. Because of drugs that other members of the gathering brought with them to use throughout the party. on the other hand, there are solutions to deal with this problem that made many people exhausted. One of which could be more supervision of parents, especially on social media utilizing enrolling their children in sports activities and other helpful activities which can make them busy. furthermore, holding counselling sessions at some point can make them back to normal life with the help of psychologists and other experts. To sum up, parents or guardians should be more aware of what their children do so that in case of troubles they can manage the situation and help them out. Under these circumstances teenagers could be more knowledgeable about their precious life.
Nowadays, illegal acts among youngsters have increased
substantially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
territories and places around the world. There
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be several reasons and solutions for this matter which will
be discussed
throughout this essay such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and the paucity of parental control that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
can
be solved
with the supervision of parents and holding counselling sessions.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is playing a vital role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's modern life,
thus
making it more challenging for fathers and mothers to manage their children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
content which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them do undesired things such as delinquency.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, there was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
that held up a gathering at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
through online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which it ended up for him to
be arrested
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of drugs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the gathering brought with them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
throughout the party.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are solutions to deal with this problem that made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
exhausted. One of which could be more supervision of parents,
especially
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
utilizing enrolling their children in sports activities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
helpful activities which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them busy.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, holding counselling sessions at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them back to normal life with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of psychologists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experts.

To sum up, parents or guardians should be more aware of what their children do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that in case of troubles they can manage the situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them out.
Under these circumstances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
could be more knowledgeable about their precious life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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