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Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v.1

Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v. 1
It is true that, nowadays, the rich are getting even richer and poor have become poorer especially in developing countries which will negatively affect the economy. This essay proposes the major problems as, improper government policies and the individual's talents, and will present appropriate solutions. To begin with, studies have proved that poverty and education are correlated. In the current scenario, there are many educated people who are unemployed. This can create a financial crisis and this may even lead to commit crimes to survive. It is owing to the fact that some are offended to earn a living. First of all, poor parents can’t afford the schooling. The poor people are always classified into lower class people and rich as upper class. There is always a discrimination in every sector based on the wealth. The poor are always clogged in certain label. It starts from the basic school level in the society we live. However, the high-income groups will occupy most of the land and build heavy-multi storied buildings for them. As a result, poor people won’t be able to find space for their needs. For example, Mumbai street in India, is still a slum, which has not changed for a decade. In my opinion, the best solution to this problem is to increase the learning and employment opportunities for the poor. Thus, the governments must ensure every person in the country is educated at least until undergraduate. They should allow the subsidies and appropriate funds for the education and betterment. For example, scholarships. The Ministry can reserve some jobs for the poor to ensure their well-being and can implement a law that, in every company, there must be a minimum wage, which can meet up a standard living for the employee. For example, in Singapore, there is a payroll average for an employee to gain the work permit. Secondly, the authority should pass a law that the companies and the rich must contribute some amount from their personal income yearly. Thereby, officials can add up funds for the welfare of poor people. To wind up, the only way to solve problems associated with increasing disparity is through joint efforts from the government, individuals, and companies.
It is true that, nowadays, the rich are getting even richer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
have become poorer
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
which will
negatively
affect the economy. This essay proposes the major problems as, improper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies and the individual's talents, and will present appropriate solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, studies have proved that poverty and education
are correlated
. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are unemployed
. This can create a financial crisis and this may even lead to commit crimes to survive. It is owing to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are offended
to earn a living.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
parents can’t afford the schooling. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always classified into lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and rich as upper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. There is always a discrimination in every sector based on the wealth. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are always clogged in certain label. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from the basic school level in the society we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
However
, the high-income groups will occupy most of the land and build heavy-multi storied buildings for them.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won’t be able to find space for their needs.
For example
, Mumbai street in India, is
still
a slum, which has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for a decade.

In my opinion, the best solution to this problem is to increase the learning and employment opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure every person in the country
is educated
at least until undergraduate. They should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the subsidies and appropriate funds for the education and betterment.
For example
, scholarships. The Ministry can reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to ensure their well-being and can implement a law that, in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a minimum wage, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up a standard living for the employee.
For example
, in Singapore, there is a payroll average for an employee to gain the work permit.
Secondly
, the authority should pass a law that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
contribute
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount from their personal income yearly. Thereby, officials can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
up funds for the welfare of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To wind up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve problems associated with increasing disparity is through joint efforts from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, individuals, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies have shown that in many countries the income gap between the rich and poor is ever increasing. What problems can arise from this situation and what could be done to address this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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