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Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v.4

Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 4
Experience is the best teacher, so goes an age old saying. Experience earned from work or from a foreign travel is a valuable asset to own, for a person. I strongly believe that a student who does not have work experience after school and has completed university reaps less benefit in the real world compared to the student who does. Today the corporates are not only seeking a graduation or post-graduation degree in their employees but also seeking relevant work experience to go with it. When an organisation hires an experienced ‘market ready’ professional, it saves a lot of time and money in training the employee. Thus, often during a recruitment drive, candidates who have no prior work experience end up as also-rans. Based on the work experience after school, a student can choose the domain of specialisation in which he wants to attend the university. On the contrary, a student entering the university directly after school generally tends to go with the herd while choosing the courses or domain at the university. A few months in the course, the student may not find it interesting but has no option to go back. In fact, the student may be compelled to find a job and pursue a career in the same field which may lead to the student not enjoying the work he does. A student who has earned and saved money after school can pay a portion of his fees on his own and has to take a lesser student loan for paying the university fees. On the other hand, a student directly entering university after school has paid the entire fees from the student loan. The student loan is a menace. According to a survey 8 to 10% of people in the USA repay student loans even at the age of 60. In conclusion, considering the above points, I can say with conviction that it is better to work for a few years and then enter a university than to directly attend university after school. Apart from the monetary benefits, this approach also has benefits like individual growth and development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
is the best teacher,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
goes an age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Experience
earned from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or from
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "foreign travel".
a foreign travel
is a valuable asset to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, for a person. I
strongly
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and has completed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
reaps less benefit in the real world compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
corporates
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seeking a graduation or post-graduation degree in their employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
seeking relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
it. When an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
hires an experienced ‘market ready’ professional, it saves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and money in training the employee.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
during a recruitment drive, candidates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have no prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up as
Possible spelling mistake found.
also-rans
.

Based on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can choose the domain of
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialisation' is British English.
specialisation
in which he wants to attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
On the contrary
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
directly
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
generally
tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
go with
the herd while choosing the courses or domain at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. A few months in the course, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may not find it interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
has no option to go back. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
may
be compelled
to find a job and pursue a career in the same field which may lead to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
not enjoying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
he does.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has earned and saved money after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can pay a portion of his fees on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take a lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
for paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees.
On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
directly
entering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has paid the entire fees from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
is a menace. According to a survey 8 to 10% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the USA repay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
even at the age of 60.

In conclusion
, considering the above points, I can say with conviction that it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a few years and then enter a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
than to
directly
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Apart from the monetary benefits, this approach
also
has benefits like individual growth and development.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
352 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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