Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.1

Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. with this statement. v. 1
Numerous masses opine that learners who directly join university after school get less advantages as compare to the students who do jobs and take a break from study. In my opinion, taking a break is necessary after secondary education. This essay will discuss some reasons to support my viewpoint in the subsequent paragraphs in an efficacious way. To commence with, a student who take a break after 12-13 years of regular study can refresh his mind with doing some job and travelling. For instance, many companies does not accept the fresher employees even after graduation or post graduation. They seek some experienced workers. Therefore, students who make a gap after secondary education and take some job experience are more eligible for jobs. Moreover, a gap year can cover the mistakes of a learner in upcoming education. To demonstrate, those students who have made a distance in their further studies can understand the practical courses conveniently. Furthermore, youngster students who have done a job, can pay their university fees by their own. Otherwise, they have to take study loan. For example, many learners in USA repay their student loan even in the age of 60. However, jobs can save students from this scenario. Apart from that, learners can choose their university courses according to their interest in a specific field, after refreshing their mind with a holiday trip. They are more likely to understand the particular subject, because their minds are fresh to accept the tough practical courses. To conclude, a break and job is essential for students to receive the better results in their university curriculum. It is beneficial for them to earn experience in some kind of job and travelling. I also had a part time job before joining the university, and it helped me to wisely select my further subjects.
Numerous masses opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun advantages is countable.
less
advantages as compare to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In my opinion, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
is necessary after secondary education. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to support my viewpoint in the subsequent paragraphs
Consider replacing "in an efficacious way" with the adverb for "efficacious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficacious way
.

To commence with, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after 12-13 years of regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
can refresh his mind with doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and travelling.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
does not accept the fresher employees even after graduation or post graduation. They seek
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
experienced workers.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a gap after secondary education and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "jobs"?
job
experience are more eligible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, a gap year can cover the mistakes of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learner
in upcoming education. To demonstrate, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have made a distance in their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
can understand the practical courses
conveniently
.

Furthermore
, youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have done a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, can pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Otherwise
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
loan.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the USA".
in USA
repay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
loan even in the age of 60.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from this scenario. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learners
can choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses according to their interest in a specific field, after refreshing their mind with a holiday trip. They are more likely to understand the particular subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their minds are fresh to accept the tough practical courses.

To conclude
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to receive the better results in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
curriculum. It is beneficial for them to earn experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and travelling. I
also
had a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
wisely
select my
further
subjects.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that students who go to university directly from school benefit less and can contribute less to their courses than those who travel or do jobs before they start their university education. with this statement. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts