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Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v.1

Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 1
It is believed that young people who directly continue their study in an undergraduate course get less benefit and make fewer contributions to their program of study, compare to students who already have job experiences or travelled to another area to gain experiences in the workplace before they continue their university studies. With regard to the statement, I personally agree with it and the following essay will discuss in details. Some high school graduates choose to enter the university directly after they have finished their secondary school studies, and it is believed that they have some weak points. As they lack the real-world experiences, they prefer not to actively responses to the tutor's lecture. Most of them would accept all of the lecturers' discussions, though tutors could mislead with their presentations. Besides that, although these students might get good academic results, it would not guarantee that they would perform well in their workplaces. They only knew about theories that underlie behind their field of study, whereas in the real world, sometimes the theory contradict to the practice. On the other hand, there are students who took several years trip to another place to gain cultural experiences or take some jobs to get work experiences, before they continue their undergraduate studies. Many people think that these valuable experiences will be positively impacted to their further studies. As they have gained real world experiences in their life, they could give some feedbacks, responses and shares their experiences in the classroom, which would make the atmosphere of the class, would be alive and positive. Besides that, during their study, they could also learn how to integrate and connect the theory with their previous work experiences. In conclusion, high school graduates have their own choices after they have finished high school. Some of them prefer to continue to the university study, while others choose to work for several years or take a trip to another area before they continue their higher study. In my opinion, I do believe that students who have had real world experiences give more significant contributions to their class and get more benefits from the study, than those who directly continue their further study.
It
is believed
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in an undergraduate course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less benefit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
fewer contributions to their program of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
already have job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
or travelled to another area to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in the workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. With regard to the statement, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with it and the following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates choose to enter the university
directly
after they have finished their secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, and it
is believed
that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
weak points. As they lack the real-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, they prefer not to
actively
responses to the tutor's lecture. Most of them would accept
Consider using "all the".
all of the
lecturers' discussions, though tutors could mislead with their presentations.
Besides
that, although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic results, it would not guarantee that they would perform well in their workplaces. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knew about theories that underlie behind their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, whereas in the real world,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the theory contradict to the practice.

On the other hand
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
took several years trip to another place to gain cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
or take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
will be
positively
impacted to their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. As they have gained real world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in their life, they could give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feedbacks, responses and shares their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in the classroom, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the atmosphere of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, would be alive and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
Besides
that, during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, they could
also
learn how to integrate and connect the theory with their previous work experiences.

In conclusion
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choices after they have finished high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
to the university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, while others choose to work for several years or take a trip to another area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. In my opinion, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have had real world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
give more significant contributions to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
directly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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