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Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v.2

Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 2
The order and pattern of students' education are always a matter of discussion and debate all over the world. Though few people support direct continuing education from school to the university, I strongly hold the view that the part-time jobs and expedition journeys, after the schooling, positively contribute to the university education to a great extent. One of the obvious reasons is that part time job assists to resolve financial issues of university education. To be more precise, the cost of higher education, which is a tough nut to crack for many students can be resolved to some extent by the wages and salaries of job settings. In Europe and America, students enjoy sabbatical leave and make their graduation and post-graduation study as a piece of cake is the best epitome. Another reason to support my view is that the travelling helps immensely to discover the incredible world. In other words, students can get more practical knowledge which is necessary to get academic excellence not only in History and Biological sciences but also in all other subjects. Actions speak louder than words. Practical experience is completely different from bookish knowledge, acquired by long journeys, positively influences for academic improvement and to tackle complex issues of future life episodes of the students. Moreover, this is an excellent opportunity to pupils to understand the life is not just a cake walk. Ironically, an army of people claims that this order of education is a waste of time. Students need to get graduation as early as possible to serve society. Perhaps it may be true but we cannot deny that Rome was not built in a day. Necessary time consumption is an integral part of excellent education. To crown it all, both travelling and have some work experience, especially before university term, positively contribute to personal and economic aspects of the student life and personal life.
The order and pattern of students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are always a matter of discussion and debate all over the world. Though few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support direct continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from school to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I
strongly
hold the view that the part-time jobs and expedition journeys, after the schooling,
positively
contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to a great extent.

One of the obvious reasons is that
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
job assists to resolve financial issues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. To be more precise, the cost of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, which is a tough nut to crack for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be resolved
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent by the wages and salaries of job settings. In Europe and America,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enjoy sabbatical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their graduation and post-graduation study as a piece of cake is the best epitome.

Another reason to support my view is that the travelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
immensely
to discover the incredible world.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more practical knowledge which is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
academic excellence not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in History and Biological sciences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in all other subjects. Actions speak louder than words. Practical experience is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from bookish knowledge, acquired by long journeys,
positively
influences for academic improvement and to tackle complex issues of future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
episodes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, this is an excellent opportunity to pupils to understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a cake walk.

Ironically
, an army of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claims that this order of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a waste of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
graduation as early as possible to serve society. Perhaps it may be true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot deny that Rome was not built in a day. Necessary time consumption is an integral part of excellent education.

To crown it all, both travelling and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work experience,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
term,
positively
contribute to personal and economic aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Students who go directly from school to university benefit less from and contribute less to their courses than those who take a job or travel in order to get more experience in ‘real world’ before they start higher education. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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