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It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Nowadays, developing of technology has created more stressful living conditions to humans. I believe that overpopulation and expenditure factors are two leading reasons for that, and some practical solutions should be implemented to tackle them. Obviously, stress has been intensified globally due to two important reasons. The one is increasing the density of population globally. Birth rates have fundamentally grown, especially in cities, during last century, making more stressful situations to dwellers. For example, in India and China, their population have escalated far considerably since last three decades, reaching almost half of total world’s population. As a result, inhabitants are annoyed more by traffic jams or noise pollution coming from vehicles. To reduce this growth, governments and organisations should consider more practical methods to slow the escalation of the population on Earth via popularising the contraceptive methods among couples or encouraging urban inhabitants to move and live in suburb areas. Another reason is the enhancement of living spending. Individuals have to work longer hours than the past to be able to afford their regular expenses, including Internet bill, house mortgage or car lease; however, before people did not have to pay these bills. In addition, citizens used to paid more for their journeys than the past. Accessing to more low-cost airlines or resorts, individuals are motivated to spend more on them annually; therefore, they have to work longer hours and have more stressful lifestyles to pay them. To tackle this issue, the related authorities are better to consider more restrictions on workloads, which have been on of leading reasons for having a more anxious living condition. In conclusion, anxiety has been raised notably. Inclining the density of population and growing of expenditures are two important reasons for that, and administrations should control them and subside people’s stress. Had governments limited these two factors, the level of stress would have been reduced far considerably.
Nowadays, developing of technology has created more stressful living conditions to humans. I believe that overpopulation and expenditure factors are two leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for that, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical solutions should
be implemented
to tackle them.

Obviously
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
has
been intensified
globally due to two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. The one is increasing the density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
globally. Birth rates have
fundamentally
grown,
especially
in cities, during last century, making more stressful situations to dwellers.
For example
, in India and China, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
have escalated far
considerably
since last three decades, reaching almost half of total world’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
As a result
, inhabitants
are annoyed
more by traffic jams or noise pollution coming from vehicles. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this growth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should consider more practical methods to slow the escalation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
on Earth via
Possible spelling mistake. 'popularising' is British English.
popularising
the contraceptive methods among couples or encouraging urban inhabitants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in suburb areas.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the enhancement of living spending. Individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work longer hours than the past to be able to afford their regular expenses, including Internet bill,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
mortgage or car lease;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay these bills.
In addition
, citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to paid more for their journeys than the past. Accessing to more low-cost airlines or resorts, individuals
are motivated
to spend more on them
annually
;
therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work longer hours and have more stressful lifestyles to pay them. To tackle this issue, the related authorities are better to consider more restrictions on workloads, which have been on of leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for having a more anxious living condition.

In conclusion
, anxiety has
been raised
notably
. Inclining the density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and growing of expenditures are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for that, and administrations should control them and subside
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
limited these two factors, the level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
would have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
far
considerably
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is said that day-by-day people’s lives are becoming increasingly stressful. What are the reasons behind that? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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