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Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. v. 1
It is believed that school should be considered as a place where students study academic subjects to pass examinations rather than learn practical skills such as cooking and dressing. From my point of view, I strongly disagree with this opinion for the following reasons. First, it is clear that learners should be equipped with essential skills as soon as possible. This means that realistic plans and programs focusing on gaining soft skills should be introduced by the cooperation of both families and schools. So they can understand the importance of having these abilities and also know how to apply them to solve problems in reality. Besides, attending skill-building class is also an effective way for students can unwind after many hours of studying academic subjects. Moreover, skillfull at doing housework can benefit students in various ways. For instance, when they get into the colleges and make a decision to live far from home, they may have to take adaptation in a new environment without the assistance of their parents. As a result, cooking and cleaning are the necessary tools to overcome the hard obstacles in life. In addition, when pupils engage in a meeting or extracurricular activities, dressing skills can help them become more self-confident to choose suitable out-fits to make a positive impression on the guests. It true that acquiring academic knowledge through subjects like mathematics, physics or chemistry can bring an excellent result to learners. With a good record, they will have a chance to get a scholarship and pursue their research project in another nation. But unfortunately, these people are few. In sum, I believe that the young generation should be expert in skills such as cookery and dressing while they are in high school. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the crucial of academic understanding because the opportunities that can come to us. Therefore, general education should aim to balance these two points.
It
is believed
that school should
be considered
as a place where students study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects to pass examinations
rather
than learn practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking and dressing. From my point of view, I
strongly
disagree with this opinion for the following reasons.

First
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that learners should
be equipped
with essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. This means that realistic plans and programs focusing on gaining soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
should
be introduced
by the cooperation of both families and schools.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can understand the importance of having these abilities and
also
know how to apply them to solve problems in reality.
Besides
, attending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
-building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
also
an effective way for students can unwind after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours of studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects.

Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
skillfull
at doing housework can benefit students in various ways.
For instance
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the colleges and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from home, they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take adaptation in a new environment without the assistance of their parents.
As a result
, cooking and cleaning are the necessary tools to overcome the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
obstacles in life.
In addition
, when pupils engage in a meeting or extracurricular activities, dressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them become more self-confident to choose suitable out-fits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impression on the guests.

It true that acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
knowledge through subjects like mathematics, physics or chemistry can bring an excellent result to learners. With a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
record, they will have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a scholarship and pursue their research project in another nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are few.

In sum, I believe that the young generation should be expert in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cookery and dressing while they are in high school. Meanwhile, we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
The phrase 'the crucial of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the crucial of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the opportunities that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to us.
Therefore
, general education should aim to balance these two points.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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