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Students of a university have a long break between universitysemesters; the university requires all students to do one of thefollowing for one month during the break: 1. Students must take a course on the subject that has no directconnection to their major v.2

Students of a university have a long break between universitysemesters; the university requires all students to do one of thefollowing for one month during the break: 1. Students must take a course on the subject that has no directconnection to their major v. 2
Nowadays, as the technology evolves and creates more and more different and significant job positions, the features which make a person qualified for a job differ. However, the one thing that has not been changed for decades is the need for people who are not only good in academic parts of a job but also brilliant in the practical fields. Even you can find some employers who are more focused on the practical experiences of their employees. So, I personally think it is much more beneficial for students to volunteer and work in different places and various job positions rather than just study a brand-new subject. I will aptly explain my reasons below. First, let me imply the role of this volunteer practical work in the experience of a student. Most of the time, when an organization wants to hire a person, it looks back at the work experience one has in that special field. Employers often assume that the more experienced you are, the more qualified you can be for that job. This matter actually was proved by several studies that scientists carried out. They play up that people who have some practical experience, face more and better job offers and of courses, they have a more successful career. They attribute these outcomes to the experiences one achieves through handling problems, managing stress and confronting hard situations in that voluntary work. Let me shed light on a common process around us to emphasize the importance of this issue. A lot of companies now have some training programs for the people whom they are going to hire. The philosophy behind these training programs is this gaining experience process. Therefore, you can see how important this factor really is. As the second reason, I want to point out something which is widely accepted. It' s now impossible to neglect the effect of this internship on the student’s knowledge. Experiments carried out in the developed countries vividly show that the things students learn from these internships are much more useful and of course, they have learned them better and more deeply. Furthermore, the scientists explain they have found out that there are numerous things one can learn from these experiences such as team work, patience, the art of managing, etc. These features are actually so valuable for the employers because these factors are directly related to the success one can have in his line of work. This is exactly why some universities encourage their students to participate in at least one or two internships or volunteer jobs along with their studying. I, myself, majored in mechanical engineering. I couldn' t have achieved the position that I have today in my firm if I hadn' t/had I not taken part in three internships through my university years. As the last reason, I think it' s important to pay attention to the changes this experience causes on the social life of the students. Because of the rapid development of technology, some students somehow (have)got/get detached from their friends and families or in other words, they got depressed up to different levels. This voluntary work can really be a positive change for these students, a change that can cause them to be happy, extroverted and productive again. I witnessed my closest friend in college going through this exact procedure. She was depressed due to moving away from her family and former friends to the city for college. Her stage of depression was so formidable that her family wanted her back because they were very worried about her health and mental condition. But our professors encouraged her to take part in one of these voluntary works which totally made the tables turn for her. She got happy and healthy again after a short amount of time. Therefore, as the aforementioned points cited, the best possible way to improve your future life is to take part in a voluntary program. Specially, it is much more beneficial compared to taking academic courses in different fields. As you can understand, it is highly recommended not only by me or the universities but also by scientists to participate in these kind of programs to get the best out of your youth and build the brightest future for yourself.
Nowadays, as the technology evolves and creates more and more

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions, the features which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
person
qualified for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
differ.
However
, the one thing that has not

been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for decades is the need for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in academic parts of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brilliant in the practical

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
fields
. Even you can find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers who are more focused
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
on


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
of their employees.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it

is much more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to volunteer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
study a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
brand-new
subject. I will
aptly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons below.

First
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me imply the role of this volunteer practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
experience
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. Most of the time, when an
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
organization


wants to hire a person, it looks back at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
one has

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
that special field. Employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
assume that the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
experienced
you are, the more qualified you can be for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This

matter actually
was proved
by several studies that scientists carried

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
out
. They play up that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical experience,

face more and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offers and of courses, they have a more

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
successful
career. They attribute these outcomes to the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
experiences


one achieves through handling problems, managing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
confronting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations in that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me shed
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
light


on a common process around us to emphasize the importance of this

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
issue
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training programs for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
whom they are going to hire. The philosophy behind
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
these


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
training
programs is this gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
process.
Therefore
, you

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
this factor
really
is.

As the second reason, I want to point out something which is
widely


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
accepted
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
impossible to neglect the effect of this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
internship


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
knowledge. Experiments carried out in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn from

these internships are much more useful and
of course
, they have

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
learned
them better and more
deeply
.
Furthermore
, the scientists

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
they have found out that there are numerous things one can

learn from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
such as team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, patience, the art

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
managing, etc. These features are actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these factors are
directly
related to the success

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
can have in his line of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is exactly why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
universities


encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate in at least one or two

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
internships
or volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
along with their studying. I, myself,

majored in mechanical engineering. I
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t have achieved
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


position that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
in my firm if I
Possible spelling mistake found.
hadn&
#039; t/had I not taken part

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
three internships through my university years.

As the last reason, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to pay attention to the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
changes
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
causes on the social life of the students.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the rapid development of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students

somehow (have)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
/
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
detached from their friends and families or

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
other words, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depressed up to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
levels. This

voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
really
be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, a

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
that can cause them to be happy, extroverted and

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
productive
again. I witnessed my closest friend in college
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
going


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
through
this exact procedure. She
was depressed
due to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
moving


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
away
from her family and former friends to the city for college. Her

stage of depression was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
formidable that her family wanted her

back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worried about her health and mental

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
condition
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our professors encouraged her to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in one
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
voluntary works which
totally
made the tables turn for her.

She
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
happy and healthy again after a short amount of time.

Therefore
, as the aforementioned points cited, the best possible way

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your future life is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in a voluntary program.

Specially
, it is much more beneficial compared to taking academic

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
courses
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. As you can understand, it is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
highly


recommended not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by me or the universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by

scientists to participate in
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best out

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
your youth and build the brightest future for yourself.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
52Mistakes

IELTS essay Students of a university have a long break between universitysemesters; the university requires all students to do one of thefollowing for one month during the break: 1. Students must take a course on the subject that has no directconnection to their major v. 2

Essay
  American English
64 paragraphs
708 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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