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students do reading by their own is as important as or more important than the reading teachers assigned v.1

students do reading by their own is as important as or more important than the reading teachers assigned v. 1
In this present era, technology will improve in all fields. And all fields are witness about this statement. Companies are wishing to build small factories, near the town because they do not provide sufficient product from less factories. It is believed by some, but other people do not agree with the above said. I strongly oppose on it. I shed light on both in detail and justify my view. To commence with, in some cases these things are beneficial for people. First and foremost, the positive approach is job. People do the job in these factories and passed their daily life. People also think about their small businesses around the factories. Because they definitely success in their businesses. In factories, workers must need the vehicles such as a rickshaw, taxi and so on. Because every worker does not have their personal vehicles. At that time rickshaw and taxi drivers earned money. On the other hand, some drawbacks of factories establishment. The Community does not live their lives very comfortable because of the pollution. Different types of factories lead to water pollution, noise pollution and air pollution. Sound pollution also effected the person who suffered from heart disease. In this constructive areas, community have restrictions from some sources. This area has become more and more busy from traffic problems. At this time, the chance to increase populations in these areas by reason of job. To conclude, factories establishment in the locality is harmful for the community. If I consider both of them logically, then I believe that disadvantages are more effective than advantages. So, we can ignore the positive side, to some extent.
In this present era, technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
in all fields. And all fields are witness about this statement.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wishing
to build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
, near the town
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not provide sufficient product from
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun factories is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above said. I
strongly
oppose on it. I shed light on both in detail and justify my view.

To commence with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases these things are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
First
and foremost, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
approach is job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do the job in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
and passed their daily life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businesses around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they definitely success in their businesses. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
, workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
need the vehicles such as a rickshaw, taxi and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
every worker does not have their personal vehicles. At that time rickshaw and taxi drivers earned money.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
establishment. The Community does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
lead to water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, noise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
and air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
. Sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
also
effected the person who suffered from heart disease. In this constructive areas, community have restrictions from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sources. This area has become more and more busy from traffic problems. At this time, the chance to increase populations in these areas by reason of job.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factories
establishment in the locality is harmful for the community. If I consider both of them
logically
, then I believe that disadvantages are more effective than advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay students do reading by their own is as important as or more important than the reading teachers assigned v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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