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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The reading materials chosen by students on their own is more important than those assigned by their teachers. v.165

The reading materials chosen by students on their own is more important than those assigned by their teachers. v. 165
Different people have distinct viewpoint. Some section of society deem that parents definitely have a major role in the improvement of their offspring along with they get older where as others opine that people in majority also considered that surrounding societal factors apart from family now influencing children much more. The following paragraphs would shed light onto the approaches before making the final conclusion along with my perspective. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to be shared in the first statements. First and foremost, there are no sceptical prospect that how some factors apart from the family that significant impact on the child's evolution. As a result, there are television and internet access. Hence children potentially spend much more time on this than they used to do in the past. Beside this, friends also play an important role and have an important effect as an adolescent will often copy peers virtually that they admire and respect. This could be positive behaviour, conversely, it could also be flawed. There was a survey done by "The Times Of India" in 2012, which stated that around 300 crores rupees have been spent in a year for the treatment of teenagers as they are addicted to drugs and smoking throughout the countries. However, others believe that the family has a more significant impact towards their children because children spend most of their time with their family especially in their foremost years. Not only confidence, socialisation skills, moral values, views, but also many momentous factors they develop in their life through interaction with them. Proof of this important proliferation can be seen in the difference between some children. Beside this, those grow up in dysfunctional home often eventually have problems themselves whilst those that are brought up after superseded in a warm and close environment end up with more confident and secure in adult life. In a gist, it can be said that "Every coin has two sides". In the same manner, both aspects of a child's advancement are imperative for both groups of people and cannot be denied. Nevertheless, I would like to infer that the family has significant impact towards their youth's evolution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have distinct viewpoint.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
section of society deem that parents definitely have a major role in the improvement of their offspring along with they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older
Did you mean "whereas"?
where as
others opine that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in majority
also
considered that surrounding societal factors apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
much more. The following paragraphs would shed light onto the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making the final conclusion along with my perspective.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to
be shared
in the
first
statements.
First
and foremost, there are no
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
prospect that how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
that significant impact on the child's evolution.
As a result
, there are television and internet access.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
potentially
spend much more time on this than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do in the past. Beside this, friends
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role and have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect as an adolescent will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
copy peers
virtually
that they admire and respect. This could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
conversely
, it could
also
be flawed
. There was a survey done by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
The Times Of India
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
in 2012, which stated that around 300 crores rupees have
been spent
in a year for the treatment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
as they
are addicted
to drugs and smoking throughout the countries.

However
, others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has a more significant impact towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
especially
in their foremost years. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
confidence,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialisation' is British English.
socialisation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, moral values, views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
momentous factors they develop in their life through interaction with them. Proof of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
proliferation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the difference between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Beside this, those grow up in dysfunctional home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eventually
have problems themselves whilst those that
are brought
up after superseded in a warm and close environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with more confident and secure in adult life.

In a gist, it can
be said
that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Every coin has two sides
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. In the same manner, both aspects of a child's advancement are imperative for both groups of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and cannot
be denied
.
Nevertheless
, I would like to infer that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has significant impact towards their youth's evolution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay The reading materials chosen by students on their own is more important than those assigned by their teachers. v. 165

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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